Four months

The boys checked out great today. They are starting to make a broader gap in their weights. Their builds are so different from each other. It will be interesting to see how they grow side by side.

They are both giggling like crazy this month. They love to play peek a boo and being tickled. They like to be a part of the action and not in another room if there is something going on. They still both sleep really great (although the last week they have been getting up at 4:00am hungry; I think they are going through a growth spurt). They feed 6 times a day for 10-15 minutes. I think they are getting about 4-5 ounces a feeding as that is what they eat when we give them a bottle. They take bottles every week at church so I don't have to nurse them. We also top them off with a few ounces of breastmilk pumped in the morning before they go to bed at night.

They both still like to be swaddled but are become escape artists and wiggle their arms out. They go to sleep on their own great. All we do is swaddle them up and stick the binky in. We've had a few people come help babysit while I went to appointments and shopping and they can't believe how easy they are.

Here are the stats from their appointment:

Chapman:
length: 23" (5%)
Weight: 11lbs 10 oz (5%)
Head: 16.5" (38%)

Super cuddly little guy. The young women in our ward fight over who will hold Chap because he is so much easier to hold being smaller and cuddly. He hates his tummy and loves the bumbo. One side of the back of his head is getting a little bit flat, so we are trying to position him on the other side while he sleeps.

Tennyson:
length: 24" (16%)
Weight: 13lbs 3 oz (13%)
Head: 16.25" (23%)

Still a super stiff baby. We call him "the brick" because that's what it feels like when you hold him. He loves to stand on his feet and gets really excited. He likes being on his tummy but does not like sitting in the bumbo. I think he doesn't like being folded in half for too long. Still battling craddle cap but hopefully it will go away soon with the vaginal cream we are putting on it :)

One month.

The twins turned one month on January 21st and had their first appointment with Dr. Sather on the 22nd. They checked out great and don't have an appointment for another month.

Here is an update on their stats:

Chapman

Weight: 6lbs 14oz (2nd%)

Height: 20in (5th%)

Head: 14.5in (20th%)

Our tiny little man. He is on his own curve and doing great. He likes to eat more frequently than Tenny does. He is often the one initiating the feedings, especially at night. He is a snuggle bum and curls right up to you. He really likes to sleep on your chest. His features look the most like the Anderson side of the family. When he is awake he is really awake and alert. He likes to be social and see what is going on. We got our first big open mouth smiles from him at about 1 month. He gets worked up pretty easily and is the louder crier, however, after he has everything that he needs he is a pretty chill baby for long periods of time. He likes being swaddled and sucking on his binki, although he doesn't require it to sleep every time. We switched him over to size one diapers, but only because we ran out of newborn diapers, he really fits those much better. He has super skinny legs with no chub. He has two red birthmarks both on the right side. One is on his bum and one on his back. The doctor said they will most likely fade or go away all together which is surprising because they are quite large. He doesn't have very much head control yet and pretty much hates tummy time because of that. 

Tennyson

Weight: 7lbs 2oz (5th%)
Height: 21in (36th%)
Head: 14.5in (20th%)

The younger brother, but the bigger, denser brother. He is a pretty serious baby most of the time. He hates baths, diaper changes, or being uncomfortable at all. He is a serious sucker. Sometimes we think he might suck so hard his binkie will split in half. He is a fabulous sleeper and loves to be swaddled. We have to wake him up most often to eat because Chap is ready to go. We often wonder if he could go all night without eating but don't dare try it yet. He has mostly Evans features and is a spitting image of his brother Benny's newborn pictures. He had a little bit of cradle cap this month, which went away quickly, but also took his blonde hair with it so he now has a receding old man hairline. He is a very rigid baby and fights snuggling up to you, especially when he doesn't want to go to sleep. He doesn't cry very easily but has to work himself up to it. He usually sticks his bottom lip out before getting too worked up. Haken has lovingly named him "the brick." He is super strong and doesn't mind tummy time too much because he can hold his head up so well already. However, he was starting to prefer laying on one side of his head and getting a flat spot so we had to start watching that and readjusting him often while sleeping.

Coming up on the finish line- 36 weeks

Here I am sitting at 36 weeks and 4 days. I thought for sure these babies would be here by now. Today is my grandma Mildred's 81st birthday. I thought it would be pretty special if these babies were born on her birthday as we are naming one of them after her father. 

In my picture on Thursday (Dec 13th, Jack's birthday as well as my great grandpa Alfred Tennyson), I didn't see a lot of difference, I almost feel like I look smaller. A lot of people have said that they think I have dropped so the babies are ready to go. The problem is there isn't a baby head down pushing on my cervix to get things moving.

When I went to my doctor appointment with Shad on Friday we thought we were really going to be able to convince the doctor to take me before my December 26th C-section date, but we didn't. He said that babies just do better if they are taken when they decide to come on their own. Their lungs are developed and they are less likely to have NICU time. This convinced us enough to leave them be for a while. In the ultrasound on Thursday they were measuring 6lbs and 6lbs 2oz. No wonder I am sore by the end of the day, I am carrying around 12lbs of baby!

The hardest reality this week is that my mom flew in the day after my doctor appointment and is staying for a week, hoping that maybe she can catch the babies. I was super convinced that they would come while she is here, but now I am not so sure. Every day I feel like today might be the day and then the day passes without a hint of labor. I've been walking in the mornings and doing all of my normal routine cleaning and that hasn't stirred anything up at all. When the doctor checked my cervix on Friday I was only a 1.5cm and not effaced at all.

We just might have some Christmas babies on our hands... Although I'm not holding out hope that they come before grandma leaves on Friday.

I am just really blessed to have made it this far without any complications and bed rest. I am definitely counting my blessings and hoping that the C-section and recovery goes as well as the rest of the pregnancy has.

33 Weeks!

Tomorrow will mark 33 weeks for this pregnancy. I looked at the calendar and started to kind of freak out as we are really getting down to the last 3-4 weeks. I'm really trying hard to get everything in place for when the babies get here and for Christmas.

Last week I had my 32 week appointment. From now on they will be weekly appointments.

On the ultrasound the babies looked great however... Baby A is still breech. This is a problem as he really needs to be head down in order for me to even try to deliver vaginally. Baby B is transverse but it doesn't really matter what position he is in. I can deliver him vaginally as long as Baby A is head down since he is closest to the cervix.

So...when I went to my doctor appointment after the ultrasound we talked about what our options are. Basically she said at this point there is a 95% chance that they are stuck where they are and aren't going to turn. They are just too big and run into one another so it doesn't happen very often. Although I have heard of a few cases of it happening as late as 36 weeks in a twin pregnancy. The babies are already both over 4 lbs so that would be a lot of baby to maneuver around in there. When I found out how big they were I thought "no wonder I am getting so uncomfortable! I have over 8 lbs of baby in there already!"

The doctor said that a C-section was inevitable with these babies. I am kind of bummed as I really wanted to avoid that. I heard that the recovery is harder, especially when you are trying to nurse and have to deal with recovering from a surgery. However, it is not the end of the world. I just try to keep telling myself that I really just want healthy babies so if that is what we need to do then I will do it.

However, since we are going to be having a C-section that also means these babies and myself might be more at risk and the Gibson City hospital might not be the best place for us to be. It would really stink if the babies got shipped off to Carle hospital 30 minutes away and I was stuck at Gibson City recovering from a C-section.

So, with this news Shad and I decided we better start looking into what it would cost to deliver at Carle. We called the financial aid office and it turns out that the last time I looked into the cost was when we were delivering 1 baby. Now that we have 2 babies coming, instead of only qualifying for 50% financial aid, we now qualify for 100% financial aid like we did with Ruby. Gibson City was offering us 90% so that is one of the reasons we went up there.

When we found this out we were so excited as Carle at 50% is still outrageous and more than we could afford. 100% is a huge tender mercy and we are so grateful that we qualify. Shad makes just a little under what the threshold is for 100%. Next year with his raise we may not qualify, but at least we qualify right now when we need it the most. I am really sad to leave Gibson City though as I LOVE Dr. Austman and her team. Their care is on such personal level compared to Carle. I know the nurses by name and I feel so comfortable with them. I was also really excited about delivering at a smaller hospital as that has always been a better experience for us. But ultimately I also wanted to have healthy babies and since Gibson City does not have a NICU we need to switch over to do what is right for the babies as well.

I feel so bad leaving Gibson City clinic as I did this exact thing with them when I had Ruby because we qualified for financial assistance with them as well. I knew it would be a hard thing for me so I asked him to come to my appointment with me today. I felt a little bit emotional about it as we told them our situation and what we had decided. They totally understood but I told Shad that I felt like I was breaking up with a good friend that I would never see again. They had discovered the twins and helped me this far along and I was very happy with the care that I received.

The nurse switched my records over today and I have an appointment with a PA at Carle on Monday afternoon and then another with the Dr. the following week. I had 3 doctors to choose from and I had only heard of the name of one of them but I couldn't remember where I had heard of him. When I looked up his picture I realized that he looked familiar. I think he was the one who ended up delivering Ruby because our Dr. was signing on a house that morning. So I guess Dr. Hennesay will be delivering the twins if all goes as planned. Although you never know what you are going to get when you go with Carle. It could be a doctor that you have never seen before.

Most likely the twins will go to the NICU because they have one there and they like to have them all checked out, but I am just glad that is an option now and hope they will come healthy and not have to be in there for very long.

Just a few more short weeks and we will meet these little boys. I am anxious to be done with the diabetes diet, although my doctor said that my blood sugar is very well controlled. I do try to do low carb most of the time, but I have had a few days where I cheat a little. I am really trying to see what I can and can not eat. It's interesting that there are some things like white bread, cookies, and candy that send my blood sugar skyrocketing and then other carbs like potatoes, wheat bread, and ice cream that don't do that much at all. It is still important that I eat carbs, just in small doses, so I am trying to stick to that, even though sometimes all I want is a cookie or candy.

I am still sleeping really well except for the 2 times every night that I have to get up to go pee. However, I fall right back asleep afterward so that is a blessing. I do get really sore by the end of the day and I am pretty tired, but I am surprised at how much energy I still have. I try to do some form of work out every day. I alternate between a prenatal workout video, walking on the treadmill, and walking in the field house with my friends. I'm tired by the end of the day when I go out with my friends so those days stretch me a little bit more.

The twin nursing pillow Jennifer Jenson and Monica
gave me. It is pretty amazing and huge.

I haven't really gained any weight in the last month, but the babies have which is what we want I guess with my gestational diabetes. I guess the lack of weight gain is probably due to my diet. At first, I always felt hungry but now I am starting to learn what snacks I can eat to keep myself full in between meals. I'm kind of getting sick of salads though. I feel like I eat the same things over and over again.

Just a few more weeks. I keep telling myself "just keep swimming." The end is definitely in sight!

Gestational Diabetes

At my appointment earlier this week I did my standard glucose test and drunk that lovely sugary carbonated beverage. Well, the next day I got a call from the nurse that I indeed did NOT pass the initial glucose test.

I didn't worry about it too much as I actually didn't pass when I was Haken either. However, with Haken I ate strawberries at lunch right before and I think that messed up the results. I also ended up passing the 3 hour glucose test that I had to take.

This time, however, I made sure to eat a carb free breakfast so the results would for sure be accurate. The nurse said I barely didn't pass, but I still had to go back in and do the 3 hour glucose test later that week.

So, today I went in and did the 3 hour test at the hospital. It was actually kind of nice as I got to sit there for a solid three hours by myself doing whatever I wanted to do. I took the laptop with me and got my blog all updated through the summer. It's amazing how much I can get done when I don't have any distractions. Shad stayed home with the kids and it was a good thing that he did because Jack ended up having a pump site at school that wasn't working at all. When Shad went to go change it out it was completely kinked. We haven't had an incident like that in a while. I'm glad he was close enough to take care of it so we could get his blood sugar down.

During the test I actually felt a little bit nauseous in the beginning, probably due to the high blood sugar on an empty stomach because I had to go fasting that morning. I was done by 11:00 though, so it wasn't too bad.

On the way home from the hospital I got a call from the nurse. I did NOT pass the 3 hour glucose test and so I am now considered a gestational diabetic.

This was so weird to me as I thought I was actually being really healthy this pregnancy. I was eating a salad a day for pretty much my whole pregnancy. I was trying to exercise regularly, although the last few weeks I had been a little lazier as I just didn't have the energy and thought carrying twins was a good excuse to sleep in instead of wake up and work out.

Apparently, you are more prone to have gestational diabetes if you are carrying multiples and have a history of diabetes in your family. Obviously, we have type 1 that runs in our family, but my dad was also technically considered type 2 so I think it is something that I will need to watch for in the future.

Because my numbers were technically "right on the line" she said to start by managing it with diet and then we will see where it goes from there. I have to check my blood sugar in the morning before I eat, 2 hours after lunch, 2 hours after dinner, and at bedtime. She was going to order me in a blood glucose monitor and test strips but I told her that we have an extra meter and lots of strips because of Jack, so we didn't worry about getting a new prescription.

Jack is kind of loving the fact that I get to check my blood sugar with him. Although, my numbers do look a bit different than his. I am supposed to be under 95 when fasting and under 120 after a meal and before bedtime. I think they just like to see that I am coming down on my own. By looking at my fasting blood glucose they can also see whether that is happening overnight as well. If it starts to rise, then that means it is not well controlled and I need to do more than just managing it with a low carb diet.

This pregnancy has been really easy so far so I thought something like this was bound to happen eventually. I am determined to keep it under control though because I read about the effect it can have on the babies like having low blood sugar when they are born and even making them more prone to being diabetics later in their lives. It sure is going to be a challenge though with the holidays coming up.

Say a little prayer for me.

27 weeks. Third trimester!

October 11th marked the beginning of my third trimester! Honestly, I can't believe we are on the home stretch, but at the same time, I feel like we have such a long way to go. When I think about having to go 10 more weeks it seems a little daunting to me.

2 weeks ago I had a little bit of a reality check. I decided to compare how big I was with my last pregnancies with this one. I have been feeling really big and telling people that I felt like I am the same size I was when I delivered my other kids. The picture I found was from the night before I delivered Gracie and I think I was right. I actually think that I look bigger right now than I was when I delivered her. She was my smallest baby, but I still wasn't much bigger with any of my other kids. I can't imagine how big I am going to be in 9-10 weeks when I deliver. It is going to be insane.

Today I had my monthly doctor appointment and ultrasound. It was also the glucose test appointment. I haven't heard the results back yet, so I'm just praying it comes back normal as it would be pretty hard to be on a strict diet right now.

The babies looked great on the ultrasound. Both are measuring almost exactly the same with Baby A at 2lbs 10oz and Baby B at 2lbs 9oz. The ultrasound tech said that Baby A tends to typically be smaller than Baby B, so I guess that is a sign they are doing really well. I honestly can't believe I already have over 5 lbs of baby in there already!

The ultrasound tech did a little 4D ultrasound for me, but we didn't get a great shot of Baby A because he is breach, his arms and legs were over his face, and his face was towards my back. Hopefully he flips around in the next couple of weeks and gets in position because if he is not head down then the doctor will be doing a C-section instead of a vaginal delivery. It all depends on which way he is positioned because Baby B can squeeze out breach since he is second. We did, however, get a good shot of Baby B's face. I think he has a "butt chin" like the rest of my kids.

My weight is sitting at 157 which means I have gained 37lbs already. This is definitely over the weight that I delivered my other babies. I think I topped out at about 150. It this rate I may actually catch up to Shad as we are only about 15lbs apart. Hopefully this is the only time in our marriage that this will be the case.  Here's hoping that nursing two really does help the weight come off quick.

I'm measuring at 32 weeks which means I am about 4-5 weeks ahead of a singleton pregnancy. This is actually kind of small for a twin pregnancy as most measure about 6-7 weeks ahead. However, the size of the babies is right on where they should be for gestational age, so I guess there is just lots of room in there still.

Overall everything is looking great! The doctor is really impressed with how well everything is going. Hopefully that will be the case for the last few weeks.

Gender Reveal!

Today we had our 20-week ultrasound and found out the genders of the babies. It was a pretty long and exciting day. The ultrasound took about 2.5 hours as they had two babies to do all of the anatomies for and then we went to my scheduled doctor appointment.

Both babies are healthy and active. Baby A is up and down on my right side and baby B has decided to lay transverse cross the top into my rib cage. Here's hoping they move a bit before birth, but it looks like baby A is anxious to come out first. It explains a lot as I have not yet felt much movement on my left side at all, pretty much all on the right. Baby A is also pretty active and baby B likes to tuck into a ball and find a happy place.

The kids wanted to do a gender reveal and Jack said we had to pop balloons again like we did for Ruby. I decided to do a little spin on that and get everyone involved. We invited some friends over to help us. We threw darts at a board filled with balloons. The balloons were all filled with paint. Most of them were filled with white paint, but two had colors in them (pink or blue) representing the genders of the babies.

We did a Facebook live video and it turned out to be a lot more suspenseful than I thought it would be as it took a long time to get the first one and until the very end to get the second one. Shad filled them all up and he honestly couldn't remember where he had placed the colored balloons so it was exciting even for us.

I have to admit that twin boys was the last possibility on my mind. I kept thinking that it was going to be twin girls because I was not really sick during the beginning of this pregnancy and typically I am sicker when pregnant with boys. So I thought two boys would have really made me sick.

However, this satisfies my need for some kind of pattern or even number in the order of our children. As Shad and I were looking at the order of our children we will be ending with two boys as we started. The order of our children will be BBGBGBB. This is perfectly symmetrical and just a little sign to me that everything is as it should be.

We are really excited to meet these little guys. Now to come up with two boy names that we can agree on....

15 week appointment

Today I had my 2nd doctor appointment with the twins. I am currently 15 weeks, 4 days. I had Shad come to the appointment with me, mainly because I just didn't want any more surprises by myself.

It actually turned out to be a normal pregnancy appointment. We got to hear BOTH of the babies heart rates through the doppler, which was again both exactly the same at 171. The nurse confirmed from the ultrasound that the babies are laying side-by-side with the placentas up top, so there is a good chance that they could be delivered vaginally as long as at least one of them turns head down by the end. If the second one is breach they may be able to turn that one after the first one has come out or deliver it breach. This is one thing I was worried about as I am not excited about the prospect of having a C-section. I have delivered all of my other children vaginally and the recovery has been pretty easy.

Our other concern was if we would be able to deliver the babies at the Gibson City hospital at all. They are not a level 3 hospital and so they do not have a NICU. This was concerning to us as I do not want to be stuck at one hospital with my babies rushed off to another. The doctor told us that twins are born at Gibson City all the time and they decide on a case-to-case basis whether they are able to handle it at the hospital or not. If I make it to 36-37 weeks without any foreseeable complications then the babies can be delivered there. If they find that I am in preterm labor or have other complications they will most likely send me down to Carle, which I am not excited about. I really am hoping that we can stay at Gibson City as I enjoy the people and the small facilities so much more, but in the end, I also want healthy babies. Doctor Austman will advise us as to what is best when we get to that point.

The nurse will be calling us tomorrow to schedule our next appointment and anatomy ultrasound where we will find out the babies gender. It will be the week of August 20th sometime. This pregnancy is going by so fast already and with the prospect of them being born early it will go even faster. The doctor said that they will most definitely be born before the end of the year even though my due date is January 10th. Here's hoping they decide to come before or after Christmas and not on Christmas Day.

I’m measuring at about 19 weeks and I’ve gained 17 pounds already which the doctor said is right on target for twins. I'm starting to feel a little bit of movement but sometimes I wonder if it's just my food digesting. Feeling the baby move is one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. I can't imagine what two babies moving around must feel like.

Just one more

I like even numbers.

Maybe it's my little bit of OCD, or maybe it's because I had 4 kids in my family growing up and my husband had 6. I always thought those were good numbers. I wanted to make sure that everyone had a buddy to play with. No one should have to sit alone on a ride at Disneyland.

So, when our 5th child was born there really wasn't a question to us whether we would try to have one more. Shad and I both often felt that someone in our family was missing. When I would be out with the kids I would do a head count and although I counted 5, I couldn't help but feel that someone wasn't there.

When we needed to buy a new van last September due to a stuck sliding door, we opted for the 8 passenger instead of the 7...just in case.

Here we are not even a year later, test driving a bigger van because we not only filled up the 8 passenger van, we have exceeded its capacity...

"TWINS!? I am pregnant with twins? Are you sure?"

 I could not believe what I was seeing on the ultrasound screen. I was 10 weeks along and this was supposed to be my first routine appointment for our 6th child. At the doctor's office just 30 minutes earlier I only heard one heartbeat on the doppler. I asked the nurse "just one right?" She replied with "Yep, just one." I said, "good because I think more than that would be insane."

I'm not sure why I felt nervous while I sat in the waiting room for my ultrasound. Deep inside I think I knew something was different. I am seeing now that the Lord was preparing me for this shock in little ways. I had told Shad a few days earlier that I was feeling a lot bigger this pregnancy and I had already gained 10lbs despite my regular running routine and eating well. I was starting to break out my maternity clothes at 10 weeks which was much earlier than I did with any of my other kids.

However, it was my 6th baby, I am over 30 now, and I started out 5 pounds heavier this pregnancy so it would seem logical that I would be measuring a bit big but I wasn't really sick so I thought there was no way it could be twins.

6 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Already popping out.

When I saw that this was indeed for real I asked the ultrasound tech if I could facetime my husband right now? He was at work and didn't answer at first. I was about ready to send him a Marco Polo video when he called again. I told him to check out the ultrasound screen and turned the camera around. When he saw two on the screen his first response was "we're going to have to buy a new car!" He was just as shocked as I was and spent the rest of the day researching vehicles that would hold 9+ people. I guess he was focusing on something he could control.

The babies looked great and had the exact same heart rate, 169. Which might have been why they were so hard to detect on the doppler. They are in two separate sacs with two placentas, which makes them fraternal. Although I'm finding out there are lots of different types of fraternal twins so I still don't know all of the details.

As soon as I got out and started heading home the nurse that found the heartbeat on the doppler called me. The first thing I said to her was "did you know?" She said, "well I wondered if I was hearing an echo but I didn't want to freak you out until you saw for sure on the ultrasound." She told me to take an extra prenatal vitamin every day and I would see them again in a month.

For the next week, I didn't sleep at all. My mind was racing. I kept thinking about how we were going to rearrange the bedrooms, what I needed to buy, how much everything was going to cost, who could help me when the babies arrived, how many freezer meals I should prep before they got here, how we were going to tell our families, and how I could convice Benny to potty train so I wouldn't have 4 in diapers...among many many other things.

I also sat up researching questions like: When would the babies likely be born? How do you breastfeed two babies at a time? What would the hospital bill be like for twins? How big was I going to get? What does it really mean to be on bedrest? What is the likelihood of having a C-section?

So many questions. I felt like I was a first-time mom again.

After the initial shock wore off I starting thinking about another question:

Why me? Why us? Why our family?

I mean I don't have a history of twins in my family except for a set of twin cousins that my dad had on his side. Shad didn't have a history either, although it doesn't really matter when it comes to twins, because I was the one who dropped two eggs.

I was completely puzzled.

We struggled to get pregnant after our first child. We had 2 miscarriages, one at 12 weeks which turned out to be an empty sac. We went through infertility procedures, had blood tests, and did fertility drugs. After finding out that nothing was really "wrong" with either of us and still not getting pregnant we decided to regroup.

I was devastated. I wanted to be a mom to a lot of kids. I felt like I had more than one child waiting to come to our family and yet could not understand why Heavenly Father would not grant this righteous desire that I had. I was bored. I didn't have any other hobbies. I loved my son and spending so much time with him but I needed more to do and felt I was capable of more and didn't know what the answer was. This was something I could not control, which drove me crazy. I was so used to having everything turn out just the way I had planned and this wasn't the way I had imagined it. 

That was one of the most trying and also most growing times of my life. I realized that I needed to find out who I was. If I wasn't supposed to be a mother to a handful of kids, then what was I supposed to do with my life? Who was I? What was my purpose? What was I good at besides taking care of kids?

I had an inspired call from my aunt who also struggled with infertility which helped me to get up and take action. I decided to refocus my attention on things that I could control.

At her suggestion, I made a "heart list" of things I liked to do and picked a few to work on. I started a sewing business and made custom curtains. I sold my handiwork at craft fairs. I started reading my scriptures more and learning how to study them. I worked on my scrapbooks. I found new recipes and we would have weekly experimental food night, which led to experimental pizza nights, which led to pizza night with different friends and neighbors every weekend. I threw away the day planner that had all of my menstrual cycles and due dates calculated. Although we didn't stop trying to have a baby, I started to feel better about myself and saw my strengths as a woman, not just as a mother. 

I grew closer to my Heavenly Father. I told Him I would take as many children as he would give me and trust in His timing, even if that only meant that I would only have one. I developed empathy for those that were going through infertility, although I also learned to understand that it is so different for everyone.

That experience 9 years ago made me the woman and mother than I am today and prepared me for this new adventure of twins.

After waiting for what felt like forever, our little Jack did come...and then a surprising Gracie 18 months later. We had to wait a bit for a sweet Benny, but when I remembered to trust the Lord, he came on his own time as well. Then our surprise little Ruby came another 18 months later.

It has taken me 12 years with lots of resistance on my part to realize that the Lord knows what He is doing. I needed those experiences on my shoulders to prepare me for these twins. The 3.5 years in between my two boys I believe is and will be crucial for my sanity as a mother now. I rely on Haken more than ever. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is much wiser than I am and knew that I would need him to be a little older so he could help.

That does not mean that I am not terrified. There are so many things I am wondering and need to figure out. But, I trust the Lord. He knows what He is doing, even if I currently don't know what I am doing. I know that He will help me just as He did before and I know that these babies are His way of saying "I love you and know you and what you are capable of." That is what will keep me going.