Maybe it's my little bit of OCD, or maybe it's because I had 4 kids in my family growing up and my husband had 6. I always thought those were good numbers. I wanted to make sure that everyone had a buddy to play with. No one should have to sit alone on a ride at Disneyland.
So, when our 5th child was born there really wasn't a question to us whether we would try to have one more. Shad and I both often felt that someone in our family was missing. When I would be out with the kids I would do a head count and although I counted 5, I couldn't help but feel that someone wasn't there.
So, when our 5th child was born there really wasn't a question to us whether we would try to have one more. Shad and I both often felt that someone in our family was missing. When I would be out with the kids I would do a head count and although I counted 5, I couldn't help but feel that someone wasn't there.
When we needed to buy a new van last September due to a stuck sliding door, we opted for the 8 passenger instead of the 7...just in case.
Here we are not even a year later, test driving a bigger van because we not only filled up the 8 passenger van, we have exceeded its capacity...
"TWINS!? I am pregnant with twins? Are you sure?"
I could not believe what I was seeing on the ultrasound screen. I was 10 weeks along and this was supposed to be my first routine appointment for our 6th child. At the doctor's office just 30 minutes earlier I only heard one heartbeat on the doppler. I asked the nurse "just one right?" She replied with "Yep, just one." I said, "good because I think more than that would be insane."
I'm not sure why I felt nervous while I sat in the waiting room for my ultrasound. Deep inside I think I knew something was different. I am seeing now that the Lord was preparing me for this shock in little ways. I had told Shad a few days earlier that I was feeling a lot bigger this pregnancy and I had already gained 10lbs despite my regular running routine and eating well. I was starting to break out my maternity clothes at 10 weeks which was much earlier than I did with any of my other kids.
However, it was my 6th baby, I am over 30 now, and I started out 5 pounds heavier this pregnancy so it would seem logical that I would be measuring a bit big but I wasn't really sick so I thought there was no way it could be twins.
When I saw that this was indeed for real I asked the ultrasound tech if I could facetime my husband right now? He was at work and didn't answer at first. I was about ready to send him a Marco Polo video when he called again. I told him to check out the ultrasound screen and turned the camera around. When he saw two on the screen his first response was "we're going to have to buy a new car!" He was just as shocked as I was and spent the rest of the day researching vehicles that would hold 9+ people. I guess he was focusing on something he could control.
The babies looked great and had the exact same heart rate, 169. Which might have been why they were so hard to detect on the doppler. They are in two separate sacs with two placentas, which makes them fraternal. Although I'm finding out there are lots of different types of fraternal twins so I still don't know all of the details.
As soon as I got out and started heading home the nurse that found the heartbeat on the doppler called me. The first thing I said to her was "did you know?" She said, "well I wondered if I was hearing an echo but I didn't want to freak you out until you saw for sure on the ultrasound." She told me to take an extra prenatal vitamin every day and I would see them again in a month.
For the next week, I didn't sleep at all. My mind was racing. I kept thinking about how we were going to rearrange the bedrooms, what I needed to buy, how much everything was going to cost, who could help me when the babies arrived, how many freezer meals I should prep before they got here, how we were going to tell our families, and how I could convice Benny to potty train so I wouldn't have 4 in diapers...among many many other things.
I also sat up researching questions like: When would the babies likely be born? How do you breastfeed two babies at a time? What would the hospital bill be like for twins? How big was I going to get? What does it really mean to be on bedrest? What is the likelihood of having a C-section?
So many questions. I felt like I was a first-time mom again.
After the initial shock wore off I starting thinking about another question:
Why me? Why us? Why our family?
I mean I don't have a history of twins in my family except for a set of twin cousins that my dad had on his side. Shad didn't have a history either, although it doesn't really matter when it comes to twins, because I was the one who dropped two eggs.
I was completely puzzled.
We struggled to get pregnant after our first child. We had 2 miscarriages, one at 12 weeks which turned out to be an empty sac. We went through infertility procedures, had blood tests, and did fertility drugs. After finding out that nothing was really "wrong" with either of us and still not getting pregnant we decided to regroup.
I was devastated. I wanted to be a mom to a lot of kids. I felt like I had more than one child waiting to come to our family and yet could not understand why Heavenly Father would not grant this righteous desire that I had. I was bored. I didn't have any other hobbies. I loved my son and spending so much time with him but I needed more to do and felt I was capable of more and didn't know what the answer was. This was something I could not control, which drove me crazy. I was so used to having everything turn out just the way I had planned and this wasn't the way I had imagined it.
Here we are not even a year later, test driving a bigger van because we not only filled up the 8 passenger van, we have exceeded its capacity...
"TWINS!? I am pregnant with twins? Are you sure?"
I could not believe what I was seeing on the ultrasound screen. I was 10 weeks along and this was supposed to be my first routine appointment for our 6th child. At the doctor's office just 30 minutes earlier I only heard one heartbeat on the doppler. I asked the nurse "just one right?" She replied with "Yep, just one." I said, "good because I think more than that would be insane."
I'm not sure why I felt nervous while I sat in the waiting room for my ultrasound. Deep inside I think I knew something was different. I am seeing now that the Lord was preparing me for this shock in little ways. I had told Shad a few days earlier that I was feeling a lot bigger this pregnancy and I had already gained 10lbs despite my regular running routine and eating well. I was starting to break out my maternity clothes at 10 weeks which was much earlier than I did with any of my other kids.
However, it was my 6th baby, I am over 30 now, and I started out 5 pounds heavier this pregnancy so it would seem logical that I would be measuring a bit big but I wasn't really sick so I thought there was no way it could be twins.
 |
| 6 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Already popping out. |
When I saw that this was indeed for real I asked the ultrasound tech if I could facetime my husband right now? He was at work and didn't answer at first. I was about ready to send him a Marco Polo video when he called again. I told him to check out the ultrasound screen and turned the camera around. When he saw two on the screen his first response was "we're going to have to buy a new car!" He was just as shocked as I was and spent the rest of the day researching vehicles that would hold 9+ people. I guess he was focusing on something he could control.
The babies looked great and had the exact same heart rate, 169. Which might have been why they were so hard to detect on the doppler. They are in two separate sacs with two placentas, which makes them fraternal. Although I'm finding out there are lots of different types of fraternal twins so I still don't know all of the details.
As soon as I got out and started heading home the nurse that found the heartbeat on the doppler called me. The first thing I said to her was "did you know?" She said, "well I wondered if I was hearing an echo but I didn't want to freak you out until you saw for sure on the ultrasound." She told me to take an extra prenatal vitamin every day and I would see them again in a month.
For the next week, I didn't sleep at all. My mind was racing. I kept thinking about how we were going to rearrange the bedrooms, what I needed to buy, how much everything was going to cost, who could help me when the babies arrived, how many freezer meals I should prep before they got here, how we were going to tell our families, and how I could convice Benny to potty train so I wouldn't have 4 in diapers...among many many other things.
I also sat up researching questions like: When would the babies likely be born? How do you breastfeed two babies at a time? What would the hospital bill be like for twins? How big was I going to get? What does it really mean to be on bedrest? What is the likelihood of having a C-section?
So many questions. I felt like I was a first-time mom again.
After the initial shock wore off I starting thinking about another question:
Why me? Why us? Why our family?
I mean I don't have a history of twins in my family except for a set of twin cousins that my dad had on his side. Shad didn't have a history either, although it doesn't really matter when it comes to twins, because I was the one who dropped two eggs.
I was completely puzzled.
We struggled to get pregnant after our first child. We had 2 miscarriages, one at 12 weeks which turned out to be an empty sac. We went through infertility procedures, had blood tests, and did fertility drugs. After finding out that nothing was really "wrong" with either of us and still not getting pregnant we decided to regroup.
I was devastated. I wanted to be a mom to a lot of kids. I felt like I had more than one child waiting to come to our family and yet could not understand why Heavenly Father would not grant this righteous desire that I had. I was bored. I didn't have any other hobbies. I loved my son and spending so much time with him but I needed more to do and felt I was capable of more and didn't know what the answer was. This was something I could not control, which drove me crazy. I was so used to having everything turn out just the way I had planned and this wasn't the way I had imagined it.
That was one of the most trying and also most growing times of my life. I realized that I needed to find out who I was. If I wasn't supposed to be a mother to a handful of kids, then what was I supposed to do with my life? Who was I? What was my purpose? What was I good at besides taking care of kids?
I had an inspired call from my aunt who also struggled with infertility which helped me to get up and take action. I decided to refocus my attention on things that I could control.
At her suggestion, I made a "heart list" of things I liked to do and picked a few to work on. I started a sewing business and made custom curtains. I sold my handiwork at craft fairs. I started reading my scriptures more and learning how to study them. I worked on my scrapbooks. I found new recipes and we would have weekly experimental food night, which led to experimental pizza nights, which led to pizza night with different friends and neighbors every weekend. I threw away the day planner that had all of my menstrual cycles and due dates calculated. Although we didn't stop trying to have a baby, I started to feel better about myself and saw my strengths as a woman, not just as a mother.
At her suggestion, I made a "heart list" of things I liked to do and picked a few to work on. I started a sewing business and made custom curtains. I sold my handiwork at craft fairs. I started reading my scriptures more and learning how to study them. I worked on my scrapbooks. I found new recipes and we would have weekly experimental food night, which led to experimental pizza nights, which led to pizza night with different friends and neighbors every weekend. I threw away the day planner that had all of my menstrual cycles and due dates calculated. Although we didn't stop trying to have a baby, I started to feel better about myself and saw my strengths as a woman, not just as a mother.
I grew closer to my Heavenly Father. I told Him I would take as many children as he would give me and trust in His timing, even if that only meant that I would only have one. I developed empathy for those that were going through infertility, although I also learned to understand that it is so different for everyone.
That experience 9 years ago made me the woman and mother than I am today and prepared me for this new adventure of twins.
After waiting for what felt like forever, our little Jack did come...and then a surprising Gracie 18 months later. We had to wait a bit for a sweet Benny, but when I remembered to trust the Lord, he came on his own time as well. Then our surprise little Ruby came another 18 months later.
It has taken me 12 years with lots of resistance on my part to realize that the Lord knows what He is doing. I needed those experiences on my shoulders to prepare me for these twins. The 3.5 years in between my two boys I believe is and will be crucial for my sanity as a mother now. I rely on Haken more than ever. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is much wiser than I am and knew that I would need him to be a little older so he could help.
That does not mean that I am not terrified. There are so many things I am wondering and need to figure out. But, I trust the Lord. He knows what He is doing, even if I currently don't know what I am doing. I know that He will help me just as He did before and I know that these babies are His way of saying "I love you and know you and what you are capable of." That is what will keep me going.
That experience 9 years ago made me the woman and mother than I am today and prepared me for this new adventure of twins.
After waiting for what felt like forever, our little Jack did come...and then a surprising Gracie 18 months later. We had to wait a bit for a sweet Benny, but when I remembered to trust the Lord, he came on his own time as well. Then our surprise little Ruby came another 18 months later.
It has taken me 12 years with lots of resistance on my part to realize that the Lord knows what He is doing. I needed those experiences on my shoulders to prepare me for these twins. The 3.5 years in between my two boys I believe is and will be crucial for my sanity as a mother now. I rely on Haken more than ever. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is much wiser than I am and knew that I would need him to be a little older so he could help.
That does not mean that I am not terrified. There are so many things I am wondering and need to figure out. But, I trust the Lord. He knows what He is doing, even if I currently don't know what I am doing. I know that He will help me just as He did before and I know that these babies are His way of saying "I love you and know you and what you are capable of." That is what will keep me going.
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