“You’ve got your hands full”

I don’t normally go out with all five of my kids alone. In fact, I actually avoid going out by myself with even one or two kids. I try to do my shopping when I have a sitter or when Shad is home, or I just shop online. It isn’t because they behave terribly, they are actually really good in public. I  more just enjoy shopping (even grocery shopping) alone and it is “me time.” I don’t have to worry about one of the kids asking for this or that, I can compare prices, and actually move through the store a lot faster without them. Then there’s the buckling in and out of car seats as we hop to different stores...don’t miss that at all when I’m out on my own.

Today was Jack’s quarterly endocrinologist appointment. The closest Endo is an hour and 20 mins away in Peoria so we make the trek over there 4 times a year. I usually try to schedule it during school hours and just pull him out and try to get sitters for the others because it is nice to have some alone time with him, but once a year I have to take them all with me so that the others can get their blood drawn for the trial net study. That day was today and this year it was a much better experience as they now only require a finger prick instead of a complete blood draw for the study. Not a single one cried and Ruby was even begging for it to be her turn. They said that she was the youngest one that they have done successfully so far using this new method. Everyone got their prizes and were all smiles when we left. Jack also had a healthy check up (although his A1C is back up to 8.8, but it is probably due to the unpredictability of the summer months routine).

As we were leaving there were some pharmaceutical sales people at the front desk. One of them said “well you’ve got your hands full,” then we talked about how I was going to have twins in December too. They were both very sweet explaining that one of them had 8 kids and the other had identical twin girls. My unusual amount of kids is always a great conversation starter.

After the doctor appointment we went to Wendy’s during the lunch rush.  My kids were pretty well behaved except for the top of the lungs screaming by Benny as I was ordering. I swear three’s are way worse than two’s. I went back and forth on whether we should stick around Peoria and go to the children’s museum or not, but decided to go as the kids were under control once they had full bellies.

As we were walking out the door a man held the door open for me as I walked out holding the hands of the two little ones and said “well you’ve got your hands full.” Then I had my three others follow me out afterwards. I wonder if he could tell I was pregnant too. No wonder his eyes popped out of his head. 2-3 kids is pretty typical here in the Midwest. We are somewhat of a freak show with five going on seven.

We had a great day at the children’s museum and I’m glad that we decided to stay. I was very grateful to have Haken there to help even though he really just wanted to go home. Children’s museums aren’t really his thing anymore unless they have some older kids activities and this one was sparse in that area. I needed him for the extra hands and eyes to keep track of them all.

At the end of the day, I am reminded why I don’t do outings like this all of the time by myself. I am tired. I needed a bath with the jets on tonight because although at home I don’t feel like I “have my hands full” I think it becomes more apparent as I go places with them, it is physically draining, especially when pregnant. However, I made a promise to myself that if I was going to have a lot of kids we were still going to go do things together. I want to make sure that they have experiences and look back to remember that we made the effort to get out of the house.

I was recently listening to a Jim Gaffigan comedy routine where he was saying that people always say to him “you’ve got your hands full”  when they see him with all of his kids and he compares it to someone walking up to another person in a wheelchair at a dance and saying “I’m sure you don’t get out and dance much.” It made me laugh because it truly is pointing out t don’t know what else to say. I’m sure I’ll come up with some kind of fun response but for now I just reply with “yep, and I’ve got two more coming.”

15 week appointment

Today I had my 2nd doctor appointment with the twins. I am currently 15 weeks, 4 days. I had Shad come to the appointment with me, mainly because I just didn't want any more surprises by myself.

It actually turned out to be a normal pregnancy appointment. We got to hear BOTH of the babies heart rates through the doppler, which was again both exactly the same at 171. The nurse confirmed from the ultrasound that the babies are laying side-by-side with the placentas up top, so there is a good chance that they could be delivered vaginally as long as at least one of them turns head down by the end. If the second one is breach they may be able to turn that one after the first one has come out or deliver it breach. This is one thing I was worried about as I am not excited about the prospect of having a C-section. I have delivered all of my other children vaginally and the recovery has been pretty easy.

Our other concern was if we would be able to deliver the babies at the Gibson City hospital at all. They are not a level 3 hospital and so they do not have a NICU. This was concerning to us as I do not want to be stuck at one hospital with my babies rushed off to another. The doctor told us that twins are born at Gibson City all the time and they decide on a case-to-case basis whether they are able to handle it at the hospital or not. If I make it to 36-37 weeks without any foreseeable complications then the babies can be delivered there. If they find that I am in preterm labor or have other complications they will most likely send me down to Carle, which I am not excited about. I really am hoping that we can stay at Gibson City as I enjoy the people and the small facilities so much more, but in the end, I also want healthy babies. Doctor Austman will advise us as to what is best when we get to that point.

The nurse will be calling us tomorrow to schedule our next appointment and anatomy ultrasound where we will find out the babies gender. It will be the week of August 20th sometime. This pregnancy is going by so fast already and with the prospect of them being born early it will go even faster. The doctor said that they will most definitely be born before the end of the year even though my due date is January 10th. Here's hoping they decide to come before or after Christmas and not on Christmas Day.

I’m measuring at about 19 weeks and I’ve gained 17 pounds already which the doctor said is right on target for twins. I'm starting to feel a little bit of movement but sometimes I wonder if it's just my food digesting. Feeling the baby move is one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. I can't imagine what two babies moving around must feel like.

Just one more

I like even numbers.

Maybe it's my little bit of OCD, or maybe it's because I had 4 kids in my family growing up and my husband had 6. I always thought those were good numbers. I wanted to make sure that everyone had a buddy to play with. No one should have to sit alone on a ride at Disneyland.

So, when our 5th child was born there really wasn't a question to us whether we would try to have one more. Shad and I both often felt that someone in our family was missing. When I would be out with the kids I would do a head count and although I counted 5, I couldn't help but feel that someone wasn't there.

When we needed to buy a new van last September due to a stuck sliding door, we opted for the 8 passenger instead of the 7...just in case.

Here we are not even a year later, test driving a bigger van because we not only filled up the 8 passenger van, we have exceeded its capacity...

"TWINS!? I am pregnant with twins? Are you sure?"

 I could not believe what I was seeing on the ultrasound screen. I was 10 weeks along and this was supposed to be my first routine appointment for our 6th child. At the doctor's office just 30 minutes earlier I only heard one heartbeat on the doppler. I asked the nurse "just one right?" She replied with "Yep, just one." I said, "good because I think more than that would be insane."

I'm not sure why I felt nervous while I sat in the waiting room for my ultrasound. Deep inside I think I knew something was different. I am seeing now that the Lord was preparing me for this shock in little ways. I had told Shad a few days earlier that I was feeling a lot bigger this pregnancy and I had already gained 10lbs despite my regular running routine and eating well. I was starting to break out my maternity clothes at 10 weeks which was much earlier than I did with any of my other kids.

However, it was my 6th baby, I am over 30 now, and I started out 5 pounds heavier this pregnancy so it would seem logical that I would be measuring a bit big but I wasn't really sick so I thought there was no way it could be twins.

6 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Already popping out.

When I saw that this was indeed for real I asked the ultrasound tech if I could facetime my husband right now? He was at work and didn't answer at first. I was about ready to send him a Marco Polo video when he called again. I told him to check out the ultrasound screen and turned the camera around. When he saw two on the screen his first response was "we're going to have to buy a new car!" He was just as shocked as I was and spent the rest of the day researching vehicles that would hold 9+ people. I guess he was focusing on something he could control.

The babies looked great and had the exact same heart rate, 169. Which might have been why they were so hard to detect on the doppler. They are in two separate sacs with two placentas, which makes them fraternal. Although I'm finding out there are lots of different types of fraternal twins so I still don't know all of the details.

As soon as I got out and started heading home the nurse that found the heartbeat on the doppler called me. The first thing I said to her was "did you know?" She said, "well I wondered if I was hearing an echo but I didn't want to freak you out until you saw for sure on the ultrasound." She told me to take an extra prenatal vitamin every day and I would see them again in a month.

For the next week, I didn't sleep at all. My mind was racing. I kept thinking about how we were going to rearrange the bedrooms, what I needed to buy, how much everything was going to cost, who could help me when the babies arrived, how many freezer meals I should prep before they got here, how we were going to tell our families, and how I could convice Benny to potty train so I wouldn't have 4 in diapers...among many many other things.

I also sat up researching questions like: When would the babies likely be born? How do you breastfeed two babies at a time? What would the hospital bill be like for twins? How big was I going to get? What does it really mean to be on bedrest? What is the likelihood of having a C-section?

So many questions. I felt like I was a first-time mom again.

After the initial shock wore off I starting thinking about another question:

Why me? Why us? Why our family?

I mean I don't have a history of twins in my family except for a set of twin cousins that my dad had on his side. Shad didn't have a history either, although it doesn't really matter when it comes to twins, because I was the one who dropped two eggs.

I was completely puzzled.

We struggled to get pregnant after our first child. We had 2 miscarriages, one at 12 weeks which turned out to be an empty sac. We went through infertility procedures, had blood tests, and did fertility drugs. After finding out that nothing was really "wrong" with either of us and still not getting pregnant we decided to regroup.

I was devastated. I wanted to be a mom to a lot of kids. I felt like I had more than one child waiting to come to our family and yet could not understand why Heavenly Father would not grant this righteous desire that I had. I was bored. I didn't have any other hobbies. I loved my son and spending so much time with him but I needed more to do and felt I was capable of more and didn't know what the answer was. This was something I could not control, which drove me crazy. I was so used to having everything turn out just the way I had planned and this wasn't the way I had imagined it. 

That was one of the most trying and also most growing times of my life. I realized that I needed to find out who I was. If I wasn't supposed to be a mother to a handful of kids, then what was I supposed to do with my life? Who was I? What was my purpose? What was I good at besides taking care of kids?

I had an inspired call from my aunt who also struggled with infertility which helped me to get up and take action. I decided to refocus my attention on things that I could control.

At her suggestion, I made a "heart list" of things I liked to do and picked a few to work on. I started a sewing business and made custom curtains. I sold my handiwork at craft fairs. I started reading my scriptures more and learning how to study them. I worked on my scrapbooks. I found new recipes and we would have weekly experimental food night, which led to experimental pizza nights, which led to pizza night with different friends and neighbors every weekend. I threw away the day planner that had all of my menstrual cycles and due dates calculated. Although we didn't stop trying to have a baby, I started to feel better about myself and saw my strengths as a woman, not just as a mother. 

I grew closer to my Heavenly Father. I told Him I would take as many children as he would give me and trust in His timing, even if that only meant that I would only have one. I developed empathy for those that were going through infertility, although I also learned to understand that it is so different for everyone.

That experience 9 years ago made me the woman and mother than I am today and prepared me for this new adventure of twins.

After waiting for what felt like forever, our little Jack did come...and then a surprising Gracie 18 months later. We had to wait a bit for a sweet Benny, but when I remembered to trust the Lord, he came on his own time as well. Then our surprise little Ruby came another 18 months later.

It has taken me 12 years with lots of resistance on my part to realize that the Lord knows what He is doing. I needed those experiences on my shoulders to prepare me for these twins. The 3.5 years in between my two boys I believe is and will be crucial for my sanity as a mother now. I rely on Haken more than ever. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is much wiser than I am and knew that I would need him to be a little older so he could help.

That does not mean that I am not terrified. There are so many things I am wondering and need to figure out. But, I trust the Lord. He knows what He is doing, even if I currently don't know what I am doing. I know that He will help me just as He did before and I know that these babies are His way of saying "I love you and know you and what you are capable of." That is what will keep me going. 

Family Reunions 2018- Part 2

After our adventure with the Evans family we met up with the Anderson side. It was really nice to kill two birds with one stone, especially since we drove so far.

After church with Aunt Janelle in St. Ignatius we had lunch and then started our journey up to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. About three years ago we put a deposit down on a rental house in the mountains by Coeur d'Alene. It is actually a recording studio/retreat house and it had 7 bedrooms/bathrooms so every family could have their own room. It was such a great find! The whole house was amazing. Tons of space outside for the kids to run around, a gourmet industrial kitchen, a video game room, pool table, hot tub...really anything we could want. We didn't end up doing a lot of excursions and leaving the house because the kids were happy and content hanging out there. It was so fun to have 25 cousins all together in one house. This was the first time that has ever happened and they are all asking when we are going to do it again.

Once everyone got there, Shad revealed the family reunion shirts that he had designed and then had Kristin make with her screen printing equipment. The back had an outline of the brothers doing "the pose" (aka pretending like they are peeing off something....such a boy thing to do) and a definition of "Anderson." The front had everyone's number on it based on when they entered the family.

We were all on the back porch and it was really fun to have each person come up and have their moment of excitement as they were spotlighted. It was really touching to see that even though we are a large family each one of us is important, loved, and are an integral part of the family. Shad even made a shirt for his mom who passed away 12 years ago.

Probably the most exciting part was when we got to the end and Shad pulled out a #41 onesie and handed it to me. Everyone was really surprised excited for Nicole and Shad's parents who already knew. However....I think the biggest surprise was when he pulled out a #42 onesie. He looked at Nicole (implying that maybe the onesie was meant for her) she laughed and then he handed it to me. Everyone started screaming and freaking out. Nicole started crying and hugging me. It was a pretty exciting night. I think it caught everyone off guard just like it did us when we found out. We had Kristin video everyone's reaction for us and this time we made sure we had plenty of battery on our phone so it didn't die in the middle of it.

Afterward, we good some great pictures out on the lawn. These are the first pictures we have ever had with everyone together, so that was exciting! We also had Shad take some better, more dressed up pictures of everyone together another night. It will be fun to get them printed and on the wall in our house.

The week was jammed packed. There was always something to do. First of all....lots of food. We spent $1,500 for a week's worth of food. Which was actually pretty good to feed 40 people. The kitchen and serving area that we had made it pretty easy, especially when it came to feeding 25 kids.

My van jammed packed with $1,500 worth of food

The serving area made it easier to feed all those kids

The kids loved the play area outside. They had playhouses stocked with toys, a slip n slide, a playground, and tons of sports equipment. Then there were the free video games (like pac man), and a projector screen to watch movies and play other video games. If we couldn't find one of our kids there was a good chance they were hiding out in there.

We also did a fun activity outside where the kids put rubber bands around watermelons until they exploded. It was great! The reward afterward was eating the watermelon.

While we were there we announced on social media that we were pregnant with twins. We had to keep it a secret from our family until we got to Idaho, but it was pretty difficult to hide with those that we saw often. I'm glad we kept it a secret though because the reaction was great. 

We did do a few activities away from the house. By far the most exciting one was the Hiawatha bike trail. This was an incredible experience and totally worth bringing our bikes out for and paying to ride down it. We left Benny and Ruby at home with a few adults who didn't want to ride and took the other kids. Gracie rode on a tag-a-long behind Shad and the boys rode their own bikes. It is a 15 mile downhill trail that is an old abandoned train route. They have taken out the train tracks and made it into a bike trail. There are huge tunnels (the longest one being 2 miles long), and tall bridges that go across deep valleys. The scenery was incredible and it wasn't a hard bike ride at all, even being 14 weeks pregnant with twins. We stopped halfway through and ate our sack lunches. Once we got to the bottom we rode the shuttle (old school bus) back up to our cars. It really was a major highlight of our trip.

"The pose" of course

Dirty bums after riding back up through the wet muddy tunnel

The other fun thing we did was visit two different lakes and played on the beach. The first day we did Lake Coeur d'Alene and rented sailboats. I think this was the highlight of the trip for Shad. After that day he was convinced that we needed to buy a little sailboat. They really were adorable and the kids had a lot of fun going out on the water and taking turns having rides. The sand at that lake wasn't very fun to play in as it was pretty rocky and the water was cold, but I think everyone still enjoyed it. After playing there we went into town for a bit and played at the park and did some main street shopping. Downtown Couer d'Alene is pretty cute.

We stopped at a pizza place that we had reservations at on the way back to our rental. I think everyone was starving from a day at the beach.

We also visited another lake called Lake Pend Oreille. There was a great beach in Sandpoint that we played at all day. It was much more swimmer-friendly and the sand was softer. We also rented some paddle board for a few hours. I enjoyed that a lot and was on one for a good portion of the time since I didn't bring my swimming suit, DUH! I forgot about what a workout those things are though. The kids had a great time that day and loved playing together.

That night the adults headed back up to Sandpoint and had dinner at a restaurant right on the lake called "Trinity at the beach." It was really refreshing to be with just the adults. I felt like I missed out not being able to go ziplining with some of the other adults because I was pregnant so a date night was much needed. I appreciated that Ryan and Lindsay's teenagers were willing to watch the kids for us so that we could go. After dinner, we walked along the dock and checked out all of the boats in the boat show. Some of those boats cost more than our house. It was unbelievable!

It really was such a great trip and my kids still talk about it often and ask when we are going to do it again. It was a miracle that no one really got sick the whole week we were there (although Ruby and few other cousins ended up with hand, foot, and mouth after we got home). I think we were really blessed. It was a perfect week!

I am so grateful for the amazing family that I married into. My sister in laws are like my sisters. We talk every day. It was so fun to be with them all week and I learn so much by watching them as mothers and wives. It was also really fun to see how the cousins interacted and got along together. They were so sad to leave and I think they can really say that their cousins are some of their best friends. They really enjoyed getting dirty and having unstructured playtime. They don't get to be with these cousins very much so that was important.

We did the drive home, 30 hours, straight through. The kids did great! They really are great travelers. We did the northern route this time to make sure that we hit North Dakota and could check that off our state list. I think the drive was a little long for my pregnant body though. It took my feet about a day for the swelling to come back down. I think there is a reason the doctors say to only do 3-4 hour stretches and then you have to get out and walk around. The night time driving was a bit longer than that.