Gender Reveal!

Today we had our 20-week ultrasound and found out the genders of the babies. It was a pretty long and exciting day. The ultrasound took about 2.5 hours as they had two babies to do all of the anatomies for and then we went to my scheduled doctor appointment.

Both babies are healthy and active. Baby A is up and down on my right side and baby B has decided to lay transverse cross the top into my rib cage. Here's hoping they move a bit before birth, but it looks like baby A is anxious to come out first. It explains a lot as I have not yet felt much movement on my left side at all, pretty much all on the right. Baby A is also pretty active and baby B likes to tuck into a ball and find a happy place.

The kids wanted to do a gender reveal and Jack said we had to pop balloons again like we did for Ruby. I decided to do a little spin on that and get everyone involved. We invited some friends over to help us. We threw darts at a board filled with balloons. The balloons were all filled with paint. Most of them were filled with white paint, but two had colors in them (pink or blue) representing the genders of the babies.

We did a Facebook live video and it turned out to be a lot more suspenseful than I thought it would be as it took a long time to get the first one and until the very end to get the second one. Shad filled them all up and he honestly couldn't remember where he had placed the colored balloons so it was exciting even for us.

I have to admit that twin boys was the last possibility on my mind. I kept thinking that it was going to be twin girls because I was not really sick during the beginning of this pregnancy and typically I am sicker when pregnant with boys. So I thought two boys would have really made me sick.

However, this satisfies my need for some kind of pattern or even number in the order of our children. As Shad and I were looking at the order of our children we will be ending with two boys as we started. The order of our children will be BBGBGBB. This is perfectly symmetrical and just a little sign to me that everything is as it should be.

We are really excited to meet these little guys. Now to come up with two boy names that we can agree on....

Utah trip 2018

 After surprising grandma last year we decided that we better do another Utah trip this summer. The kids loved it so much and realizing that I could do it by myself was a game changer. Shad is usually pretty busy in August trying to get ready for the school year, so that was a good time for us to go. We didn't get to spend as much time as last year as we had swimming lessons we had to stay for and school starting mid-August. However, we did get 10 days which was packed with lots of fun.

The drive out was pretty easy. We stopped in Omaha again and stayed with the Applegarth's. It only took about 8 hours off, but that made all of the difference. The next day was about 13 hours, but it was doable.

Of course we had to stop by Little America and see the dinosaur and get some ice cream...

Benny is still not a fan of heights. He didn't like being on top of that bison very much. 

 One morning we went to an awesome new park in Bountiful and met up with some of my high school friends and their kids. I love that we still stay in touch even after 15 years. I love all of these girls. It has been fun watching them all become moms. I have learned so much from them. This is only a handful of the kids that were there. I didn't count how many kids we have between us but I think it's at least over 20. Pretty crazy to think about!

Jack insisted on wearing his favorite cowboy hat from Grandma's house. I think he pretty much wore it for an entire week straight. 

One night we went and did some school shopping at Station Park in Farmington. The shopping wasn't the most exciting part though. I think they really liked being with their cousins Annie and Aliyah and hanging out with the princesses. However, we did get all of our school shopping done in one trip so that was a win!

We spent one afternoon at Grandma's house having a "Pinkalicious" tea party with all of the cousins. My cousin Liz was also in town from Seattle with her kids so her daughter Molly was there. She is close to Ruby's age. My mom, aunt Cheri, and Grandma planned it and it had so many fun details! Gracie now talks about having a tea party all of the time.

We also spent an afternoon at a splash pad in Salt Lake with some of our cousins. It was a super hot day.

We spent one day at Lagoon with Annie and Aliyah. We left Ruby with my aunt Cheri as I didn't think it would be worth it to take her. She probably wouldn't have wanted to ride anything anyway.
I debated about taking Benny, but I was so glad that I did. It was so fun to watch him enjoy all of the kiddie rides. I was glad that Jack was still short enough to ride all of the kiddie rides. It was so fun to watch them ride them together and call each other "best buddies". I think they are really going to like sharing a room together.

I couldn't really ride any rides except for the log flume, sky ride, and the carousel so I became the designated stroller watcher and photographer. This was part of our group going on rattlesnake rapids. It was a super hot day so I was a little jealous I couldn't go and get wet with them.

By far Benny, Jack, and Gracie's favorite ride was the little bumper cars. I think they rode them 10 times over and over again at one point. The ride operator got to know them pretty well. 

Gracie loved the ladybug drop. I was glad that Grandma still likes to ride the rides with the kids since I couldn't go on any with them.

We went and had lunch with Ruthie, Taylor, and Riley at Arctic Circle and then went to their neighborhood pool in Saratoga Springs. I didn't get any pictures at the pool as we didn't last very long. Ruby was super tired from the fun events of the week and threw a major tantrum so we had to leave a little earlier than we were planning. I think the kids still got a little bit of swimming in though. 

We spent an entire day up in Cache Valley. Aunt Cheri had arranged for us to learn more about our ancestors that lived up there. She compiled some history for us to read before we went up there and arranged for us to go see the home that the Smurthwaite (my Grandma Miller's side) lived in in a small town called Wellsville.

First we stopped by the cemetery in Wellsville and found the graves of the Smurthwaites and Browns.

We found the grave of one of my great grandma's, Mary Ann Wood Watt Brown who was the first woman baptized in the British Isles.

Sarah and Joshua Brown are my great, great grandparents who built the house in Wellsville. It started out as a log cabin and then was added onto by their daughter Maggie and son-in-law Alfred.

This is the Brown/Smurthwaite house and we got to go visit and have lunch in the backyard. It has had a lot of changes since it was first built. It started as a small log cabin and was built on by it's many owners. Now it is owned by the neighbors across the street who are renovating it to be a bed and breakfast. They were nice enough to let us use the kitchen and have a picnic in the backyard. It was fun to see a little piece of history and be there together as a family.

Grandma entertained the kids and blew big bubbles outside on the lawn.

While renovating the house the owners found the original log cabin underneath the walls. It was pretty cool to see. They said that they will try to keep at least a part of it exposed so that others can view it.

 Haken's absolute favorite part of this trip was being able to spend so much time with my cousin Grady. He slept over at his house and they spent a solid 2 days together playing baseball pretty much the whole time. My aunt Cristina said that when they weren't playing baseball they were making up logos for their imaginary baseball teams. I'm so glad to see them getting along so well. So many of his friends here are girls so I think he really likes having a guy that he can share his love for baseball. They really are best friends and are only a month apart.

They were being a little awkward in this picture as I told them that they needed to put their arms around each other and act like they liked each other. 11 year old boys are so funny.

While in Cache Valley we had to go check out our old house in "the circle" in Providence. We only lived there for 18 months but my kids loved that house and I did too. It had such an ideal set up for kids with the track in the backyard with lots of kids to play with all of the time.

I couldn't believe how much the trees we had planed grew up. When we planted them they were just barely taller than me. Now they tower over the kids. It's amazing what 3.5 years will do.

I was sad to see that the new owners had ripped out the flower beds along the patio that we put in and replaced it with grass. It made it a nice little secluded patio but maybe they didn't the up keep of the flowerbeds.

Shad flew in for our last weekend there to help me drive home. We spent our last day on the beach of Willard Bay with our friends the Burnhams and Mickelsons. They were our Alturus Lake buddies so it was fun to relive the good times and hang out at the beach with them all day. The Burnhams brought a floating island and two paddle boards so there was plenty of stuff for us to do.

Haken loved hanging out with Bodee again and Jack with Ian. I didn't even get pictures of them together because they were out in the lake playing together the entire day. It was so perfect. I miss hanging out with them.

Ruby has been one tired girl all week. She slept a bunch on the way home as I think we really wore her out, especially skipping naps so many of the days to do fun things.

The drive home was fast and great. I was so glad that Shad flew in so that we could do it all in one shot. However, I did end up having a little bit of swelling from sitting so long in the car. It's a good thing we aren't doing any more big trips this pregnancy. It really was a great trip though. I'm always glad when we can go and spend lots of time with family that we don't get to see often. 

“You’ve got your hands full”

I don’t normally go out with all five of my kids alone. In fact, I actually avoid going out by myself with even one or two kids. I try to do my shopping when I have a sitter or when Shad is home, or I just shop online. It isn’t because they behave terribly, they are actually really good in public. I  more just enjoy shopping (even grocery shopping) alone and it is “me time.” I don’t have to worry about one of the kids asking for this or that, I can compare prices, and actually move through the store a lot faster without them. Then there’s the buckling in and out of car seats as we hop to different stores...don’t miss that at all when I’m out on my own.

Today was Jack’s quarterly endocrinologist appointment. The closest Endo is an hour and 20 mins away in Peoria so we make the trek over there 4 times a year. I usually try to schedule it during school hours and just pull him out and try to get sitters for the others because it is nice to have some alone time with him, but once a year I have to take them all with me so that the others can get their blood drawn for the trial net study. That day was today and this year it was a much better experience as they now only require a finger prick instead of a complete blood draw for the study. Not a single one cried and Ruby was even begging for it to be her turn. They said that she was the youngest one that they have done successfully so far using this new method. Everyone got their prizes and were all smiles when we left. Jack also had a healthy check up (although his A1C is back up to 8.8, but it is probably due to the unpredictability of the summer months routine).

As we were leaving there were some pharmaceutical sales people at the front desk. One of them said “well you’ve got your hands full,” then we talked about how I was going to have twins in December too. They were both very sweet explaining that one of them had 8 kids and the other had identical twin girls. My unusual amount of kids is always a great conversation starter.

After the doctor appointment we went to Wendy’s during the lunch rush.  My kids were pretty well behaved except for the top of the lungs screaming by Benny as I was ordering. I swear three’s are way worse than two’s. I went back and forth on whether we should stick around Peoria and go to the children’s museum or not, but decided to go as the kids were under control once they had full bellies.

As we were walking out the door a man held the door open for me as I walked out holding the hands of the two little ones and said “well you’ve got your hands full.” Then I had my three others follow me out afterwards. I wonder if he could tell I was pregnant too. No wonder his eyes popped out of his head. 2-3 kids is pretty typical here in the Midwest. We are somewhat of a freak show with five going on seven.

We had a great day at the children’s museum and I’m glad that we decided to stay. I was very grateful to have Haken there to help even though he really just wanted to go home. Children’s museums aren’t really his thing anymore unless they have some older kids activities and this one was sparse in that area. I needed him for the extra hands and eyes to keep track of them all.

At the end of the day, I am reminded why I don’t do outings like this all of the time by myself. I am tired. I needed a bath with the jets on tonight because although at home I don’t feel like I “have my hands full” I think it becomes more apparent as I go places with them, it is physically draining, especially when pregnant. However, I made a promise to myself that if I was going to have a lot of kids we were still going to go do things together. I want to make sure that they have experiences and look back to remember that we made the effort to get out of the house.

I was recently listening to a Jim Gaffigan comedy routine where he was saying that people always say to him “you’ve got your hands full”  when they see him with all of his kids and he compares it to someone walking up to another person in a wheelchair at a dance and saying “I’m sure you don’t get out and dance much.” It made me laugh because it truly is pointing out t don’t know what else to say. I’m sure I’ll come up with some kind of fun response but for now I just reply with “yep, and I’ve got two more coming.”

15 week appointment

Today I had my 2nd doctor appointment with the twins. I am currently 15 weeks, 4 days. I had Shad come to the appointment with me, mainly because I just didn't want any more surprises by myself.

It actually turned out to be a normal pregnancy appointment. We got to hear BOTH of the babies heart rates through the doppler, which was again both exactly the same at 171. The nurse confirmed from the ultrasound that the babies are laying side-by-side with the placentas up top, so there is a good chance that they could be delivered vaginally as long as at least one of them turns head down by the end. If the second one is breach they may be able to turn that one after the first one has come out or deliver it breach. This is one thing I was worried about as I am not excited about the prospect of having a C-section. I have delivered all of my other children vaginally and the recovery has been pretty easy.

Our other concern was if we would be able to deliver the babies at the Gibson City hospital at all. They are not a level 3 hospital and so they do not have a NICU. This was concerning to us as I do not want to be stuck at one hospital with my babies rushed off to another. The doctor told us that twins are born at Gibson City all the time and they decide on a case-to-case basis whether they are able to handle it at the hospital or not. If I make it to 36-37 weeks without any foreseeable complications then the babies can be delivered there. If they find that I am in preterm labor or have other complications they will most likely send me down to Carle, which I am not excited about. I really am hoping that we can stay at Gibson City as I enjoy the people and the small facilities so much more, but in the end, I also want healthy babies. Doctor Austman will advise us as to what is best when we get to that point.

The nurse will be calling us tomorrow to schedule our next appointment and anatomy ultrasound where we will find out the babies gender. It will be the week of August 20th sometime. This pregnancy is going by so fast already and with the prospect of them being born early it will go even faster. The doctor said that they will most definitely be born before the end of the year even though my due date is January 10th. Here's hoping they decide to come before or after Christmas and not on Christmas Day.

I’m measuring at about 19 weeks and I’ve gained 17 pounds already which the doctor said is right on target for twins. I'm starting to feel a little bit of movement but sometimes I wonder if it's just my food digesting. Feeling the baby move is one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. I can't imagine what two babies moving around must feel like.

Just one more

I like even numbers.

Maybe it's my little bit of OCD, or maybe it's because I had 4 kids in my family growing up and my husband had 6. I always thought those were good numbers. I wanted to make sure that everyone had a buddy to play with. No one should have to sit alone on a ride at Disneyland.

So, when our 5th child was born there really wasn't a question to us whether we would try to have one more. Shad and I both often felt that someone in our family was missing. When I would be out with the kids I would do a head count and although I counted 5, I couldn't help but feel that someone wasn't there.

When we needed to buy a new van last September due to a stuck sliding door, we opted for the 8 passenger instead of the 7...just in case.

Here we are not even a year later, test driving a bigger van because we not only filled up the 8 passenger van, we have exceeded its capacity...

"TWINS!? I am pregnant with twins? Are you sure?"

 I could not believe what I was seeing on the ultrasound screen. I was 10 weeks along and this was supposed to be my first routine appointment for our 6th child. At the doctor's office just 30 minutes earlier I only heard one heartbeat on the doppler. I asked the nurse "just one right?" She replied with "Yep, just one." I said, "good because I think more than that would be insane."

I'm not sure why I felt nervous while I sat in the waiting room for my ultrasound. Deep inside I think I knew something was different. I am seeing now that the Lord was preparing me for this shock in little ways. I had told Shad a few days earlier that I was feeling a lot bigger this pregnancy and I had already gained 10lbs despite my regular running routine and eating well. I was starting to break out my maternity clothes at 10 weeks which was much earlier than I did with any of my other kids.

However, it was my 6th baby, I am over 30 now, and I started out 5 pounds heavier this pregnancy so it would seem logical that I would be measuring a bit big but I wasn't really sick so I thought there was no way it could be twins.

6 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Already popping out.

When I saw that this was indeed for real I asked the ultrasound tech if I could facetime my husband right now? He was at work and didn't answer at first. I was about ready to send him a Marco Polo video when he called again. I told him to check out the ultrasound screen and turned the camera around. When he saw two on the screen his first response was "we're going to have to buy a new car!" He was just as shocked as I was and spent the rest of the day researching vehicles that would hold 9+ people. I guess he was focusing on something he could control.

The babies looked great and had the exact same heart rate, 169. Which might have been why they were so hard to detect on the doppler. They are in two separate sacs with two placentas, which makes them fraternal. Although I'm finding out there are lots of different types of fraternal twins so I still don't know all of the details.

As soon as I got out and started heading home the nurse that found the heartbeat on the doppler called me. The first thing I said to her was "did you know?" She said, "well I wondered if I was hearing an echo but I didn't want to freak you out until you saw for sure on the ultrasound." She told me to take an extra prenatal vitamin every day and I would see them again in a month.

For the next week, I didn't sleep at all. My mind was racing. I kept thinking about how we were going to rearrange the bedrooms, what I needed to buy, how much everything was going to cost, who could help me when the babies arrived, how many freezer meals I should prep before they got here, how we were going to tell our families, and how I could convice Benny to potty train so I wouldn't have 4 in diapers...among many many other things.

I also sat up researching questions like: When would the babies likely be born? How do you breastfeed two babies at a time? What would the hospital bill be like for twins? How big was I going to get? What does it really mean to be on bedrest? What is the likelihood of having a C-section?

So many questions. I felt like I was a first-time mom again.

After the initial shock wore off I starting thinking about another question:

Why me? Why us? Why our family?

I mean I don't have a history of twins in my family except for a set of twin cousins that my dad had on his side. Shad didn't have a history either, although it doesn't really matter when it comes to twins, because I was the one who dropped two eggs.

I was completely puzzled.

We struggled to get pregnant after our first child. We had 2 miscarriages, one at 12 weeks which turned out to be an empty sac. We went through infertility procedures, had blood tests, and did fertility drugs. After finding out that nothing was really "wrong" with either of us and still not getting pregnant we decided to regroup.

I was devastated. I wanted to be a mom to a lot of kids. I felt like I had more than one child waiting to come to our family and yet could not understand why Heavenly Father would not grant this righteous desire that I had. I was bored. I didn't have any other hobbies. I loved my son and spending so much time with him but I needed more to do and felt I was capable of more and didn't know what the answer was. This was something I could not control, which drove me crazy. I was so used to having everything turn out just the way I had planned and this wasn't the way I had imagined it. 

That was one of the most trying and also most growing times of my life. I realized that I needed to find out who I was. If I wasn't supposed to be a mother to a handful of kids, then what was I supposed to do with my life? Who was I? What was my purpose? What was I good at besides taking care of kids?

I had an inspired call from my aunt who also struggled with infertility which helped me to get up and take action. I decided to refocus my attention on things that I could control.

At her suggestion, I made a "heart list" of things I liked to do and picked a few to work on. I started a sewing business and made custom curtains. I sold my handiwork at craft fairs. I started reading my scriptures more and learning how to study them. I worked on my scrapbooks. I found new recipes and we would have weekly experimental food night, which led to experimental pizza nights, which led to pizza night with different friends and neighbors every weekend. I threw away the day planner that had all of my menstrual cycles and due dates calculated. Although we didn't stop trying to have a baby, I started to feel better about myself and saw my strengths as a woman, not just as a mother. 

I grew closer to my Heavenly Father. I told Him I would take as many children as he would give me and trust in His timing, even if that only meant that I would only have one. I developed empathy for those that were going through infertility, although I also learned to understand that it is so different for everyone.

That experience 9 years ago made me the woman and mother than I am today and prepared me for this new adventure of twins.

After waiting for what felt like forever, our little Jack did come...and then a surprising Gracie 18 months later. We had to wait a bit for a sweet Benny, but when I remembered to trust the Lord, he came on his own time as well. Then our surprise little Ruby came another 18 months later.

It has taken me 12 years with lots of resistance on my part to realize that the Lord knows what He is doing. I needed those experiences on my shoulders to prepare me for these twins. The 3.5 years in between my two boys I believe is and will be crucial for my sanity as a mother now. I rely on Haken more than ever. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is much wiser than I am and knew that I would need him to be a little older so he could help.

That does not mean that I am not terrified. There are so many things I am wondering and need to figure out. But, I trust the Lord. He knows what He is doing, even if I currently don't know what I am doing. I know that He will help me just as He did before and I know that these babies are His way of saying "I love you and know you and what you are capable of." That is what will keep me going.