And baby makes 4...

What?! Did I just say four? How the heck do I have 4 children? I remember after having Haken, having two miscarriages, and struggling to get pregnant, I thought I would never have more than one child. I wondered how people got pregnant so easy and why it was so hard for us. I wondered if I would only have one child to focus on for the rest of my life. Through my experiences in the last 6 years I have come to realize that God is good. He hears us and he knows what we need. Patience has never been a strong point of mine and He found a way to test it. Now I hear Him almost laughing and saying "you wanted more children, right?" I am very much at peace and feel his love as I sing to each one of my kids at night before they go to sleep. God is good indeed.

Although my husband has documented the birth through pictures on his blog I decided I needed to give a little more detail on our experience. The birth of our children are by far the best days that we have had together as a couple. Everything about a birth is miraculous and these days become those that I will never forget. There is nothing closer to heaven than the death of someone you love and the birth of a child.

Bennion Steve Anderson came to our family on February 9th at 9:56 AM weighing 7lbs 2 oz and 20" 

At 2:45 AM I was awoken by a dream that I had peed my pants. I got out of bed realizing that although it was a dream, I was indeed wet. Sure enough I kept leaking so I knew this was for real. The baby was coming TODAY. I was actually very relieved because during the last two weeks I had lower back pain and cramping which made me feel like I was going into labor soon. I had no idea it would actually come two weeks later. All of my other children were born around 38 weeks and this baby waited until 39 weeks. I was not overdue, but I felt like I was in comparison to my other pregnancies. Again, the Lord knew what we needed and held the baby off for a week knowing that we were dealing with a very sick diabetic Jack. He had the stomach flu all week long. After an ER visit, some Zofran, and a few glucagon shots we were able to get it under control but it was not a very fun week.

At 3:00 AM we called my neighbor across the street to sit with the kids while my mom and sister drove up. When we got to the hospital I was having contractions about every 10 minutes but not anything very hard. When I was admitted I was dilated to a 5 but not really in pain. I think I had about 5-6 contractions total before I got my epidural. I thought for just a split second about going natural, but for only a second.

I was glad that I had that epidural when the contractions started to show up on the screen one after the other. I did, however, get nauseous and throw up once due to the contractions but that was the most uncomfortable I really got.

At 9:00 AM I called my mom at my house and told her to hurry over because I was starting to feel pressure. By 9:30 I was complete and ready to push. Luckily she got there with a few minutes to spare. I pushed for two sets and then he was out.

Because we didn't know the gender of the baby, it was quite a different experience from the rest of my children. The other three births were much more emotional for me. This was more a feeling of excitement. I couldn't wait to look down and see the gender on that last push. I was surprised as I thought that he was a girl the entire pregnancy. I had guessed the other kids right but he threw me for a loop. I wasn't as sick with this pregnancy so it felt a lot like my Gracie. I was more sick with the boys. Apparently that isn't so much an indicator for me after all. I wasn't at all disappointed to add another boy to the family. He is already such a little sweetheart and we can't get enough of him.

The boys fight over who gets to hold him. Gracie is indifferent to having him there. Although I can tell she is just fine with being the little princess of the family. She will be lucky to have three brothers to watch over her.

I love having a newborn in the house again. There really is a special spirit that they bring and each time I have another I realize how quickly they leave the newborn stage and grow up. I find myself just cuddling cheek to cheek with him and not ever wanting to put him down. I am tired, but I have never been happier and can't believe I am now a mother of four.

The Bleach Blues

This morning at 4:00 am I had a rude awakening. I don't know why, but the spirit likes to wake me up in the wee hours of the morning and give me revelation that I don't expect and leave me sleepless. This happened on my last blog post when I wrote about my dad's passing at 5:00 am and then this morning I couldn't fall back asleep after having a nightmare at 4:00, so here I am.

The reason I originally woke up was because I was having a nightmare about bleach. Yesterday an entire bottle of bleach tipped over on the floor of our laundry room without me knowing and pretty much ruined every piece of clothing in the dark load of laundry I had sitting there ready to go in. As I went through the ruined clothes yesterday ready to cry with each one I picked up out of the wet mess I just kept telling myself "clothes can be replaced, they are only clothes." I think I did this so I wouldn't start balling. I was so mad at myself for putting that new bottle of bleach on the floor, lid loose, just waiting to tip over when the dryer next to it turned on. I was so mad at myself as Haken saw his favorite monster shirt with spots all over it and went into another room to cry. It seriously broke my heart. I just kept thinking "laundry isn't that hard, this is your job!" Three of my maternity shirts were ruined, after I had just found cute outfits to go with them this week. Feeling confident in what I wear hasn't been my strong point this pregnancy so I was pretty let down that I now had less options to work with. I know, first world problems right?!

Anyway.... as I laid there lamenting my bleach woes and unable to sleep, I got on Facebook on my phone. As I was scrolling I thought "why the heck do I even get on here?" Every time I get on Facebook I think, "that was not worth my time at all." Then I started thinking about how I spend my time and how much time is wasted everyday. By the end of the day about half of my checklist is done. I used to feel like such a productive person but now I wonder everyday where my day has gone. This week has been especially hard because it has been freezing outside, Gracie has had a cold, and we haven't had much scheduled so we just haven't left the house. The kids have watched way more TV than usual because I just don't know what to do with them when they can't go outside. Jack has become a little obsessed with the Wii so we have had to set rules. I can't say that I blame him, I would be bored too. You would think this would make for a productive week at home, but I don't really have much to show for it. I'm actually not really sure where all of my time went. 

This morning I am making a commitment to start over before the winter comes in full force. I am going to disconnect, evaluate my priorities, and start over fresh. My kids need more time with me. I need more time with them. My spirit and my house need a deep cleaning. Clothes can be replaced, time can not. Life is too short to cry over spilt bleach. 

Now what?

Last night my father passed away. This week a year ago a tumor was removed and we found out he had terminal brain cancer. I missed his passing by only a few minutes. As I walked into the door of the room, I saw my father's body surrounded by those that he loved. He looked peaceful, free of pain, struggles, and his furrowed brow was finally relaxed. He was not there and yet he was. We spent a few hours afterwards with him and I think my dad's lighthearted nature was evident in the room as we talked about him. 

As I came home with my mom and climbed into bed late last night I just kept thinking "now what?" What kind of a new reality are we about to experience as a family? 

This morning I have found comfort in the words of Elder Cook: 

"The “now what” in the face of death in this life and the “now what” in contemplation of life after death are at the heart of the questions of the soul that the restored gospel of Jesus Christ answers so beautifully in the Father’s plan of happiness." 

I can't tell you how the next few days will go for my mom who lost her husband. I can't tell you how hard it may be to see my children seeing the lifeless body of a grandpa they loved so much. I can't tell you how many memories will come flooding back to me in the next few days and bring me to tears, but I do know that I don't have to worry too much about the "now what?" with my dad because of this: 

11 Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection--Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

12 And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.

Alma 40:11-12

It's ok for us to be sad, grieve, and think about those we love. Elder Nelson stated: 

"We can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life" 

Loosing a loved one isn't easy for anyone, but I find comfort in the gospel of Jesus Christ and the words of His servants. Today I am grateful for the covenants my parents made, years before I was born, in the Lord's holy temple because of this:  

"Loving relationships continue beyond the doors of death and judgment. Family ties endure because of sealings in the temple. Their importance cannot be overstated." Elder Nelson 

THIS is our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness. THIS is the "now what?"

It's fall, but feels like summer

It seems like September never got the memo that it is actually supposed to be fall not summer. The kids have had a great time playing outside the past couple of weeks but we know that the weather is quickly changing as we have cold mornings and cool nights. We are taking advantage of the weather while we can. I'm sure we will miss it in a few weeks!

This little power wheels truck belongs to our neighbor, but we might as well just buy it from them since Jack probably drives it around more than anyone. He asks about it every morning and I have to remind him that it is not really his! He loves driving the cute girls around the circle in his sweet ride. I also can't believe how many kids they pile into this thing. I think the record is 7-8 kids. I am surprised it keeps moving with all of them in there. . He keeps telling me he needs a "Jeep" of his own but seeing as he hasn't ridden his bike in the last month I am not convinced this won't make him a lazy bum.

One Sunday evening we went on a ride in daddy's car (the kid's favorite ride) and found this fun park in Millville. It was a bit chilly and wet from the rain the week before but that didn't stop us from having some good fun together. My kids really are the best of friends and it makes me so happy seeing them play together. 

 Of course the start of colder weather does have it's advantages...hopefully less baths for these kids and less laundry for mommy.

September so far

Nothing to be ashamed about not blogging for 9 months right?! I'm so bad at this. Time to play a little catch up. Here are some pictures from our September so far. 

On the 3rd I had my 16 week Dr. appointment. Everything looks good and we have a good strong heartbeat. These kids were so good. They really have become best friends since Haken has gone to school. I often find them outside playing with each other without any other kids around. Makes my heart happy to see Jack taking care of his little sister.

Gracie has become a little diva and figured out how to dress/undress herself. It can really be a problem some days. Especially when all she wants to wear is her swimming suit. 

Jack started a little joyschool with two other little boys. I taught the first week and we learned about bugs. The next week he went on a caterpillar hunt and unfortunately didn't find any caterpillars but had a great time playing in the mud afterwards. I wish I would have gotten a picture, he was covered in mud from head to toe. They have so much fun together on Tuesdays and we are excited for all of the new things he will learn. 

Having a ladybug snack made out of apples and raisins. 

 We have the best neighborhood and I am sad at the thought of winter coming. These spontaneous play groups happen everyday but this one was especially fun because we had all of these kiddos out playing nice with each other for a solid hour. Of course Haken was the organizer and the "boss" of the whole group. I love these kids.

 We planted some trees to add variety and give us some privacy. We ripped out the grass and created a flowerbed around the rock that was already there (thank heavens we don't have to mow around it anymore). We ended up bringing in 4 yards of dirt to build up the flowerbed. It was quite the job and we were very grateful to neighbors who have trucks they don't mind us borrowing. Can't wait until these trees grow up. We decided not to do the fruit trees we had planned. I was a little disappointed but I didn't want to have to worry about the deer as we already have a big deer problem with our other plants.

 Gracie grew up and also had her first haircut by daddy (apparently it was a big month for her because most of the pictures are of her.) She is really growing up before my eyes and I just can't help but capture her while she is still my baby.

Sporting her new do. 

Looking so grown up before church

We realized about a week ago that we had a mouse living in our garage. Shad opened up the garage door and saw it run across. Apparently it has been living off of the crumbs in our recycling. After a few days of opening up the door and being scared to death I made it to the store to get some sticky traps. It really was the last straw when I started to spot tons of droppings on the stairs that my kids use everyday. Within 4 hours that mouse took the bait. Being the manly man my husband is he disposed of the cute little thing by drowning it in a bucket of water, bagging it up, and throwing it in the trashcan. It was pretty hard to watch. Kinda felt bad for the cute little thing but victorious at the same time. Hope we don't have to deal with that ever again. 

And last but not least, here is my fat picture at 18 weeks today. I seriously can't wait to get past this awkward fat stage. Maternity clothes are too big and my normal clothes don't fit. I think I might have felt the baby the other day, but it is hard to tell since I don't sit down long enough to know for sure.  

Walk the walk

Every year JDRF does a 3 mile walk to raise funds for type 1 diabetes research. We haven't even been through a year of diabetes with Jack and I am already hoping for a cure everyday. I am so happy for all of the technology that is out there but honestly it gets really old day after day trying to manage it all. My hat goes off to people who have dealt with this for years on end or virtually their whole life. After 9 months I am so ready to be done and pray for a cure.

This is why I felt that we needed to do our part this year and participate in the fundraising for JDRF by participating in the walk. I was amazed at the response from our friends and family. So many donated and we ended up doubling our goal of $200. I honestly didn't know what to expect when I made our goal. I hate asking people for money, especially when I already feel like they give so much. Our family and friends were so generous and didn't even think twice about it. It's really hard to resist a donation in behalf of cute little Jack.

We also had my parents, one of my friends, and my brother and sister-in-law and their boys come up for the the actual walk in Logan. It was so fun to have their support there for our little super Jack-Jack. I think Jack loved the attention and had a really great day.

We are excited for the walk next year and already have an action plan to raise even more money. The future looks bright for diabetes research and I can't wait until Jack will reap the benefits of the generosity of our friends and family through JDRF research.

All of the T1D's at the walk posing for a picture

This lady was so sweet. Jack was looking uncomfortable so she
offered to have him hold her hand.

Helping cut the starting line. Jack really liked
the big scissors.

Super Jack

TEAM JACK-JACK