The Bleach Blues

This morning at 4:00 am I had a rude awakening. I don't know why, but the spirit likes to wake me up in the wee hours of the morning and give me revelation that I don't expect and leave me sleepless. This happened on my last blog post when I wrote about my dad's passing at 5:00 am and then this morning I couldn't fall back asleep after having a nightmare at 4:00, so here I am.

The reason I originally woke up was because I was having a nightmare about bleach. Yesterday an entire bottle of bleach tipped over on the floor of our laundry room without me knowing and pretty much ruined every piece of clothing in the dark load of laundry I had sitting there ready to go in. As I went through the ruined clothes yesterday ready to cry with each one I picked up out of the wet mess I just kept telling myself "clothes can be replaced, they are only clothes." I think I did this so I wouldn't start balling. I was so mad at myself for putting that new bottle of bleach on the floor, lid loose, just waiting to tip over when the dryer next to it turned on. I was so mad at myself as Haken saw his favorite monster shirt with spots all over it and went into another room to cry. It seriously broke my heart. I just kept thinking "laundry isn't that hard, this is your job!" Three of my maternity shirts were ruined, after I had just found cute outfits to go with them this week. Feeling confident in what I wear hasn't been my strong point this pregnancy so I was pretty let down that I now had less options to work with. I know, first world problems right?!

Anyway.... as I laid there lamenting my bleach woes and unable to sleep, I got on Facebook on my phone. As I was scrolling I thought "why the heck do I even get on here?" Every time I get on Facebook I think, "that was not worth my time at all." Then I started thinking about how I spend my time and how much time is wasted everyday. By the end of the day about half of my checklist is done. I used to feel like such a productive person but now I wonder everyday where my day has gone. This week has been especially hard because it has been freezing outside, Gracie has had a cold, and we haven't had much scheduled so we just haven't left the house. The kids have watched way more TV than usual because I just don't know what to do with them when they can't go outside. Jack has become a little obsessed with the Wii so we have had to set rules. I can't say that I blame him, I would be bored too. You would think this would make for a productive week at home, but I don't really have much to show for it. I'm actually not really sure where all of my time went. 

This morning I am making a commitment to start over before the winter comes in full force. I am going to disconnect, evaluate my priorities, and start over fresh. My kids need more time with me. I need more time with them. My spirit and my house need a deep cleaning. Clothes can be replaced, time can not. Life is too short to cry over spilt bleach.