Hard Joy

The twins are now over a month. Time is flying and I'm worried that in 5 years I won't be able to remember what my life was like when I first had these little boys. I had a friend with twins tell me that the first year of her twin's life is a complete blur because they were in survival mode. She said at least she had the pictures to prove that it actually happened. I decided I wanted more than just pictures, but also a memory of what I learned in the first month of having twins and how it is shaping me as a mother and a person.

In no particular order, here are the top 10 things I have learned this month with twins...

10. You will eat your own words. 

The things that I said I would never buy because they were a waste of money, I realized I needed when I had two babies. That ginormous nursing pillow called "my brest friend" really has become my best friend. It is absolutely necessary to tandem feed twins. The other lifesaver has been the double bottle warmer. These boys take bottles great (hallelujah!) and the bottle warmer heats up breastmilk to perfection so much faster and easier than running it under hot water.

9. You can never have enough of anything.

My friends threw me a diaper shower before the boys were born and I had a closet full of diapers sitting there waiting to be used. I thought I had plenty of newborn diapers to get me through the first month. Turns out I should have planned on at least triple what I had. I mean I knew I would go through a lot of diapers but...wow...just wow. That pretty much goes for everything too...burp cloths, onesies, binki's...you name it!

One night of diapers. For reals.

8. Recovery from a C-section is...different.

I had my other 5 kids vaginally. These boys had to be a C-section because Chap was breech and Tenny was transverse. After I had my other babies I was up and taking a shower as soon as my epidural wore off. I felt great! It was weird to have to "take it easy" and not do anything for a while this time around. I realized if I did too much I usually regretted it with a sore incision. I learned my lesson a few days during the first month when I overdid it, like helping to undecorate the Christmas tree. I am now back to running and feeling somewhat normal, but it took three times as long as my other deliveries. I learned to be patient and listen to my body.

7. You'll mix them up and compare them.

Tenny and Chap are unquestionably fraternal twins. They are both made from different Anderson molds but I still get them mixed up all of the time. I also try not to compare them to one another, but I always do. I will admit that there are some days that Tenny is my favorite and other days that Chap is (usually it is whoever makes it the longest at night). They are two totally different babies with different temperaments, and I love that. I always wished that I could compare my kids as babies next to each other because I forget what they were like. It has been fun to see them change side by side. 

6.  Some advice holds true.

I've had lots of baby advice since I started having kids, but the best piece of advice I got from other twin moms was to keep them on the same schedule. When one baby wakes up, I wake the other one up. I feed them, dress them, and change their diapers at the same time. This has been a game changer. By keeping them on the same schedule I feel like I am feeding one baby (with my incredible nursing pillow) and then only burping, diapering, and dressing two. Feedings take about 30-40 minutes with diaper changes and then we are good to go for another 2.5 hours until the next one. I think this is the reason I have been able to keep my sanity. It's usually Chapman who initiates the feedings, but Tennyson has never objected to being woken up to eat. Thank heavens there is usually only one crying for attention at a time.

5. You'll love your spouse more than ever.

With my other kids, Shad didn't get up to help with nighttime feedings at all. I was nursing them and could handle feeding them on my own so there wasn't any point in having him be tired the next day too. I did feel some resentment that he could get a full nights sleep and I had to get up night after night, but I don't know what he could have done to help.
However, with twins having his help at night has been vital. I did a few nights on my own with him out of town and it took me an extra 20 minutes to burp and change diapers at 3am. I realized the next day how much I appreciated those extra 20 minutes of sleep. We developed a great system in the first month. We had a baby on either side of the bed in a pack in play so we could tell which one was crying. He handed me my nursing pillow and the babies (when I couldn't move from the C-section), I nursed them, handed over the faster feeder, he burped and changed, and then I handed him the other to change while I topped the first one off and he would put them both back down when I was done. Right now they are only waking up once to feed at 3am but even as brand new babies they only did two nightime feedings at the most.
I have treasured those 3am feedings with my husband. We have had some great conversations, funny experiences (especially with Alexa chiming in randomly), and endure the tiredness together the next day. I didn't realize that twins would strengthen my marriage as much as it has. I really do love this man.

4. You won't care about sharing twin germs.

I wondered how it would work with two babies. How would I keep one from getting sick when the other one is sick? They are constantly sharing wet burp cloths, blankets, binkies and feedings on mom. Turns out there really is no way to avoid it, unless you are super anal about it, and who has time for that with 7 kids? Chapman got a cold first at a week old and then Tennyson got it a few days later followed by Chapman getting sick again for a few days. They both had a cough and goopy eyes. I suspect this will be the norm for them growing up, especially with five other kids in the house. I gave up one week into it trying to keep designated bottles, binkies, and blankets. Usually, it's whatever I can grab right in front of me fast.

3. Getting out of the house will make you feel human.

I think I realized this with all of my other babies, but I was reminded more than ever with these boys that taking a shower, putting on makeup, and getting out of the house makes me feel human again and keep me from getting depressed. It's easy to get stir crazy during winter and I think it's even worse when you are at home feeding babies all day. I took every opportunity to get out of the house, even if it was just to go grocery shopping or pick up books from the library. I was really grateful to have my sister in law and my mom here for the first three weeks so I could get out without the babies. We even went to a movie when the babies were a week old thanks to my sister in law. It made me feel like I wasn't attached to those babies and had at least some freedom.

2. You will never regret accepting help. 

After I had the twins I decided that I was going to accept ANY and ALL help that people offered. I figured that they wouldn't offer it if they didn't want to do it. This decision was probably the reason I survived the first month.

We are so blessed where we live to have such great friends and church family that would do anything for us. In the first month, I think I made a total of 10 meals. People would randomly drop by and bring meals, gifts, groceries, and diapers. I had a large box of newborn diapers, but after the first week, I was completely out. A friend asked if she could pick anything up and I told her diapers and few produce items. She came with two bags of groceries and two big boxes of diapers and wouldn't accept a dime. We really were so blessed and I felt like the more help I accepted, the more willing people were to give it. If I would have constantly said "no" I wouldn't have given then the opportunity to serve and I wouldn't have reaped the benefit of their service.

Having my sister in law and my mom here was also invaluable. I feel like I really thrived the first month because they were here helping. I didn't do any dishes or laundry while they were here and could focus fully on the babies. I also felt comforted that my other kids weren't being neglected and were taken care of.

I also had no idea how much I was going to rely on my older kids to help. Haken and Jack have been my lifelines when the babies just want to be held and my other kids require my attention.

1. You'll understand hard joy.

I had a friend with twins describe having twins as "Hard Joy." I now know what she meant. It has been hard, so hard, but these little boys have also brought so much joy. In the first month the "joy" has outweighed the "hard" and made all of the sleepless nights worth it. I'm sure it's going to get harder but I also know that the joy will get even better too. I had no idea that I could love two babies at the same time so completely and equally, but it is totally possible. I feel stretched thin, but my heart is also so full. I never feel caught up and there are a lot of things I am neglecting right now. However, I know how quickly babies grow up and I just want to sit and hold them while they are tiny and still making those squeaky baby noises. It just does not last very long.

My mom gave me a saying for my wall that completely describes what I feel. It says "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart." I see it every time I walk down my stairs and I am reminded of how full my heart really is.