Hard Joy

The twins are now over a month. Time is flying and I'm worried that in 5 years I won't be able to remember what my life was like when I first had these little boys. I had a friend with twins tell me that the first year of her twin's life is a complete blur because they were in survival mode. She said at least she had the pictures to prove that it actually happened. I decided I wanted more than just pictures, but also a memory of what I learned in the first month of having twins and how it is shaping me as a mother and a person.

In no particular order, here are the top 10 things I have learned this month with twins...

10. You will eat your own words. 

The things that I said I would never buy because they were a waste of money, I realized I needed when I had two babies. That ginormous nursing pillow called "my brest friend" really has become my best friend. It is absolutely necessary to tandem feed twins. The other lifesaver has been the double bottle warmer. These boys take bottles great (hallelujah!) and the bottle warmer heats up breastmilk to perfection so much faster and easier than running it under hot water.

9. You can never have enough of anything.

My friends threw me a diaper shower before the boys were born and I had a closet full of diapers sitting there waiting to be used. I thought I had plenty of newborn diapers to get me through the first month. Turns out I should have planned on at least triple what I had. I mean I knew I would go through a lot of diapers but...wow...just wow. That pretty much goes for everything too...burp cloths, onesies, binki's...you name it!

One night of diapers. For reals.

8. Recovery from a C-section is...different.

I had my other 5 kids vaginally. These boys had to be a C-section because Chap was breech and Tenny was transverse. After I had my other babies I was up and taking a shower as soon as my epidural wore off. I felt great! It was weird to have to "take it easy" and not do anything for a while this time around. I realized if I did too much I usually regretted it with a sore incision. I learned my lesson a few days during the first month when I overdid it, like helping to undecorate the Christmas tree. I am now back to running and feeling somewhat normal, but it took three times as long as my other deliveries. I learned to be patient and listen to my body.

7. You'll mix them up and compare them.

Tenny and Chap are unquestionably fraternal twins. They are both made from different Anderson molds but I still get them mixed up all of the time. I also try not to compare them to one another, but I always do. I will admit that there are some days that Tenny is my favorite and other days that Chap is (usually it is whoever makes it the longest at night). They are two totally different babies with different temperaments, and I love that. I always wished that I could compare my kids as babies next to each other because I forget what they were like. It has been fun to see them change side by side. 

6.  Some advice holds true.

I've had lots of baby advice since I started having kids, but the best piece of advice I got from other twin moms was to keep them on the same schedule. When one baby wakes up, I wake the other one up. I feed them, dress them, and change their diapers at the same time. This has been a game changer. By keeping them on the same schedule I feel like I am feeding one baby (with my incredible nursing pillow) and then only burping, diapering, and dressing two. Feedings take about 30-40 minutes with diaper changes and then we are good to go for another 2.5 hours until the next one. I think this is the reason I have been able to keep my sanity. It's usually Chapman who initiates the feedings, but Tennyson has never objected to being woken up to eat. Thank heavens there is usually only one crying for attention at a time.

5. You'll love your spouse more than ever.

With my other kids, Shad didn't get up to help with nighttime feedings at all. I was nursing them and could handle feeding them on my own so there wasn't any point in having him be tired the next day too. I did feel some resentment that he could get a full nights sleep and I had to get up night after night, but I don't know what he could have done to help.
However, with twins having his help at night has been vital. I did a few nights on my own with him out of town and it took me an extra 20 minutes to burp and change diapers at 3am. I realized the next day how much I appreciated those extra 20 minutes of sleep. We developed a great system in the first month. We had a baby on either side of the bed in a pack in play so we could tell which one was crying. He handed me my nursing pillow and the babies (when I couldn't move from the C-section), I nursed them, handed over the faster feeder, he burped and changed, and then I handed him the other to change while I topped the first one off and he would put them both back down when I was done. Right now they are only waking up once to feed at 3am but even as brand new babies they only did two nightime feedings at the most.
I have treasured those 3am feedings with my husband. We have had some great conversations, funny experiences (especially with Alexa chiming in randomly), and endure the tiredness together the next day. I didn't realize that twins would strengthen my marriage as much as it has. I really do love this man.

4. You won't care about sharing twin germs.

I wondered how it would work with two babies. How would I keep one from getting sick when the other one is sick? They are constantly sharing wet burp cloths, blankets, binkies and feedings on mom. Turns out there really is no way to avoid it, unless you are super anal about it, and who has time for that with 7 kids? Chapman got a cold first at a week old and then Tennyson got it a few days later followed by Chapman getting sick again for a few days. They both had a cough and goopy eyes. I suspect this will be the norm for them growing up, especially with five other kids in the house. I gave up one week into it trying to keep designated bottles, binkies, and blankets. Usually, it's whatever I can grab right in front of me fast.

3. Getting out of the house will make you feel human.

I think I realized this with all of my other babies, but I was reminded more than ever with these boys that taking a shower, putting on makeup, and getting out of the house makes me feel human again and keep me from getting depressed. It's easy to get stir crazy during winter and I think it's even worse when you are at home feeding babies all day. I took every opportunity to get out of the house, even if it was just to go grocery shopping or pick up books from the library. I was really grateful to have my sister in law and my mom here for the first three weeks so I could get out without the babies. We even went to a movie when the babies were a week old thanks to my sister in law. It made me feel like I wasn't attached to those babies and had at least some freedom.

2. You will never regret accepting help. 

After I had the twins I decided that I was going to accept ANY and ALL help that people offered. I figured that they wouldn't offer it if they didn't want to do it. This decision was probably the reason I survived the first month.

We are so blessed where we live to have such great friends and church family that would do anything for us. In the first month, I think I made a total of 10 meals. People would randomly drop by and bring meals, gifts, groceries, and diapers. I had a large box of newborn diapers, but after the first week, I was completely out. A friend asked if she could pick anything up and I told her diapers and few produce items. She came with two bags of groceries and two big boxes of diapers and wouldn't accept a dime. We really were so blessed and I felt like the more help I accepted, the more willing people were to give it. If I would have constantly said "no" I wouldn't have given then the opportunity to serve and I wouldn't have reaped the benefit of their service.

Having my sister in law and my mom here was also invaluable. I feel like I really thrived the first month because they were here helping. I didn't do any dishes or laundry while they were here and could focus fully on the babies. I also felt comforted that my other kids weren't being neglected and were taken care of.

I also had no idea how much I was going to rely on my older kids to help. Haken and Jack have been my lifelines when the babies just want to be held and my other kids require my attention.

1. You'll understand hard joy.

I had a friend with twins describe having twins as "Hard Joy." I now know what she meant. It has been hard, so hard, but these little boys have also brought so much joy. In the first month the "joy" has outweighed the "hard" and made all of the sleepless nights worth it. I'm sure it's going to get harder but I also know that the joy will get even better too. I had no idea that I could love two babies at the same time so completely and equally, but it is totally possible. I feel stretched thin, but my heart is also so full. I never feel caught up and there are a lot of things I am neglecting right now. However, I know how quickly babies grow up and I just want to sit and hold them while they are tiny and still making those squeaky baby noises. It just does not last very long.

My mom gave me a saying for my wall that completely describes what I feel. It says "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart." I see it every time I walk down my stairs and I am reminded of how full my heart really is.

Parenting Success

 As a woman I have so many different roles (mom, primary president, friend, wife, housekeeper, cook, and the list goes on...) and there are sometimes days where I feel like I haven't succeeded at even one of my roles. Every once in a while I have a day where I really feel successful in my roll as a parent.

In the last week I have had two balls rolled at me (potty training and weening) and I was not sure I was going to be able to tackle them, but surprisingly it has not been as bad as I thought it would be.

I decided at the beginning of last week to start potty training Jack again. We started it a few months ago when he was motivated but then he got sick and all of his motivation went out the window so we didn't push it. I decided to just go for it even though he was now fighting me a little bit. I just kept thinking about how great it would be to have him potty trained by the summer and he was waking up with a dry diaper every morning and nap so I knew he was able to control it well enough. The first two or three days were not so great. He had an accident pretty much every 2 hours during the day. I actually think most of it was my fault because I was not queuing him like I should have been. I got busy and then forgot and then of course just as I thought about it, it was already too late. On the first day he was in the corner for throwing food on the floor and was singing "I am a child of God" at the top of his lungs, obviously not bugged at all by being in the corner.  When I went to get him out I instantly noticed the smell and of course he had pooped while standing there singing. Cleaning that out was not pretty, but it is a story that still makes me laugh. That is SO Jack.
I finally got smart and started using plastic pants this time around to save my carpet and my arms from the scrubbing. By the 4th and 5th day he only had maybe one accident a day. Then the moment of truth was when we decided to send him to church without a diaper. As we walked to church we realized what a risk we were taking because we didn't have a car to drive him home, nor did I think to bring an extra pair of clothes. Turns out we shouldn't have worried so much. He went pee in the big potty at the church (his first time in a public restroom) with no problems and came out of nursery completely dry. I am actually pretty lucky with my boys because they seem to have this amazing bladder control that I know they did not get from me. They can hold it for hours on end and I have it pretty much down to a science the times of day that they go. Pooping is the tricky one to time, it differs from day to day. However, today Jack told me his tummy hurt and I knew it was time to poop (it had been a few days, I think potty training keeps it in there longer.) He sat on the potty, read a few books to himself, and low and behold, there was a poop. Today was the first day with absolutely no accidents! I think the trick with Jack was something Shad discovered midweek last week. I was at a point with him where he would sit on the potty for 20 minutes before he would go, even in the morning when he first got up with a dry diaper. He had a really hard time just letting his body release it. It was super frustrating so I turned him over to Shad. He discovered that if he put a little piece of toilet paper in between his legs so that he didn't have to watch himself go, didn't have to point it down himself, and he didn't feel like he was going to get the seat wet, he was good. It works every time now and he'll go instantly once the toilet paper is there to block everything. Whatever works right?!
Anyway, that is probably TMI for everyone who doesn't want to know about potty training...but maybe it will help someone else somewhere down the road. Here's to many more days of dry "Thomas the tank engine" underwear. I'm not holding my breath yet for sure.

Our other mountain which will hopefully turn into more like a molehill is weening Gracie and getting her weight up. Last Wednesday we went for her 9 month check up and found out that she is not even on the charts at all anymore. At this point her Dr. was concerned because she had actually dipped down from her own little curve on the 1-3% line. I knew weening was coming soon. She just wasn't really interested anymore and it seemed like she had to eat a ton of solids to get full. She was still sleeping great, but eating wasn't her strong point. My milk supply was down and by the end of the day she would down a 7 ounce bottle of a formula/breast milk mix. The Dr. recommended we concentrate her formula to pound the extra calories. For every 2 ounces of water, mix 1 1/2 scoops of formula. I didn't know you could do that, but apparently you can actually buy concentrated formula if you want to, it is just more expensive. I knew this would be a challenge because just getting her to take a bottle a few months ago was tricky. She only liked a certain kind and even then it had to be mostly breast milk for her to take it. So, after the Dr. appointment we pretty much went cold turkey with the exception of topping her off after the bottle (which only lasted 2 days). She fought me a lot at first and really spit it out every time I would try to give her a bottle. It was like a wrestling match. She went a few feedings with nothing at all, but then finally gave in, probably out of thirst. Now she doesn't fight me hardly at all except for me to get that last little ounce in her at the end of the bottle. I'm determined to fatten her up, so I fight her to get in as much as I can. It sure is easier to make her eat with a bottle than with nursing. I don't know yet if she has gained any weight, but she already looks bigger to me. Maybe it is just my imagination? She doesn't eat as much of her solids, but I don't mind it because I know she is getting pretty full on all of that milk. She is doing really well with picking up table foods so that is mostly what she eats with a little baby food mixed in here and there.
Today we also had a big success with her taking a straw! I love using straw cups with my kids because then I have access to a sippy cup nearly everywhere I go. All restaurants have straws, but selected few have sippy cups if I happen to forget mine (which happens often). Teaching a baby to take a straw is usually kind of tricky, although Jack took to it like it was second nature. With Gracie I had to suction it with my finger and put it in her mouth and after a few times of doing that and having her suck it out, she started doing it out of the cup on her own! I was pretty excited about that. Now the trick will be to get her to hold onto it on her own. She has yet to hold the sippy cup or a bottle on her own because she has been so used to nursing and not having to hold anything.

Let's not forget my sweet Haken.... Today I felt like a successful parent as we were having family home evening. We take turns teaching the lesson and tonight it was Haken's turn. He has been so fascinated with money lately so he decided to teach a lesson on tithing. He sat down and made up a game all by himself about tithing and how it is used. It was a matching game and he was so excited to have Jack play it. Here are the cards that he made:

I know you can't really really read what they say but they all say ways our tithing is used and then the back of them have numbers that match each other. He loved watching Jack play the game he had made. After that we took Haken's money jar (filled with $30 worth of change from Grandpa) and paid his tithing on it. He was so excited to pay his tithing on his own money. We had done it before, but I don't think he really got it until now. Filling out the form and counting out the money was right up his alley. He was such a perfectionist in filling out the form. He counts his money nearly every week and has gotten really good at it. Maybe one day he will grow up to be an accountant? In addition to his tithing he also decided to contribute to the missionary fund since President Monson asked us to in the last General Conference.

Needless to say I am feeling pretty good about being a parent tonight. It is a good thing that these kind of days come around every once in a while to keep me motivated to keep on going. Being a parent is one of the hardest, and yet rewarding things I will ever do in my life. Everyday my sweet kids make it all worth it.

Success in Parenting

As a parent I feel like I am sometimes guessing on how to handle things with my kids. Sometimes I feel bad for them because it is a "trial and error" thing most of the time. We really are just learning together.

Well, 2 weeks ago I had planned a trip to the Treehouse children's museum with the boys. I was rushing to get ready and get the boys ready so we could leave. After I gave Haken a 15 minute warning he started to complain and whine to me about how he didn't want to go because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite show that had a new episode on later that day. At that moment I realized that something needed to be done with what has become an obsession with the T.V.

Haken is at the age where he really loves and looks forward to watching the preschool shows that come on in the mornings. They are mostly educational and teach him good things, but he wasn't really ever "playing." Although I really have to blame the obsession on myself. During the winter we spend a LOT of time inside. That is just the way it has to be when you live in Utah and everything fun is at least 30 minutes away. During the summer he plays outside basically all day so there isn't much time for T.V. For the past 4 months or so on a normal day he pretty much watched T.V. from about 9:30 (when we got home from our workout group) until 12:00 or 1:00 depending on if it was a preschool day. That is roughly 2 1/2-3 1/2 hours of T.V. a day, (which research says is pretty normal for a kid his age)!! Again, it is my fault because I would just get busy with the day, making breakfast, taking a shower, cleaning up the kitchen, starting the laundry, etc...I swear it was 11:30 by the time I could focus on anything else. I felt like such a bad mom!

So, after realizing that Haken would choose a show over going to a children's museum that day I decided to have a Family Home Evening that night on how we spend our time. Kind of a "good, better, best" lesson for a 4 yr old. I am so excited that it went over well with him. I was expecting him to be so mad with the rules that we made, but he wasn't. As a family, we decided that he could watch 3 shows a day and he could decide which ones they were. If he wanted to he could substitute one of those shows for 30 minutes of a video game time since he loves playing the Wii. We don't have DVR so he just has to watch his shows when they come on, but he has learned that in the morning he picks which ones he wants to watch and then we turn on and off the T.V. accordingly. I found that most of the time he was watching shows that he didn't really care much about, just because he wanted to watch the show that came next. He actually turns the T.V. off now all by himself once his show is over and he counts down the shows, knowing how many he has left during the day. There have been so many good things that have come out of this. Not only is he watching less T.V., but he has actually started to play with his toys which have just sat there for months. His imaginative play has come back and he has become so creative lately. He is more cooperative and not angry when I tell him it's time to turn it off, because he was part of the decision making process. He has really been more cooperative with lots of other things unrelated to the T.V. as well.

I also feel like I benefited from my own lesson because I realized that I too could do better on limiting my "screen time." I would be just fine not watching T.V. at all, but I do like to get online and check out all my usual websites. I decided that I too would choose my time wisely and only get on once all of my "chores" were done for the day (which is sometimes after the boys go to bed!) I am also working out and reading my scriptures before the boys get up instead of going to the workout group at the church everyday, helping me to have a better handle on my morning. Although I do still go twice a week just to keep my sanity and have some "women time."

I love making a change in parenting and seeing the benefits of the change in my family. We aren't perfect, but I think seeing things that need to be changed is the first step to becoming a better parent.